This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Holy Cross chapter.
My mother is a successful lawyer with a husband of over twenty years. Because her own self respect had benefited her so greatly in her personal and professional life, my mother instilled confidence in me from the beginning. Many of my friends have complimented my life advice, and I’m always obliged to tell them that it all came from my lovely Mom. So many of the lessons my mother taught me have helped me become an upbeat, confident young woman today, and I think it’s important for me to pass on her wisdom. My mom’s advice has helped me earn jobs, snag dates, and act appropriately in uncomfortable situations. Her tips on being confident are the sort that can help you at any stage of your life, but they are especially applicable to college women.
- You’re a Prize; Act Like ItPerhaps the most important lesson that my mother ever taught me was that I am a valuable person who deserves respect. You are, too. So maybe you’re a little awkward or clumsy. You probably have a few physical qualities that you dislike. Everybody does! Don’t let this stop you from embracing your beauty, though. It is extremely important for you to have confidence in yourself and refuse to take people seriously when they try to diminish you. This principle can be applied to many areas of daily life. Maybe a guy rejected you recently and you feel awful about it, which is totally understandable. BUT, don’t wallow over it for too long or let it fracture your self-esteem. If you believe you are a prize, you will be noticeably more attractive to everyone. Think about it: the people you respect most are probably confident in themselves. Nobody really likes hanging around someone who constantly talks about how unattractive and undesirable they are—it’s a little awkward and depressing. However, if you advocate for yourself and emphasize your amazing qualities, people will start seeing you in a genuinely attractive light.
- Failure HappensFailing at something you consider important is horrible and devastating, but it also happens to everyone. J.K. Rowling had her novels rejected dozens of times; Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team; Abraham Lincoln was told he was unintelligent and would never amount to anything. Fortunately, these brilliant people refused to let these incidents define them. Try your best to do the same. If you earn a poor grade on a test, lose an election for house council, or are rejected from a job opportunity do your best to learn from what happened. First, challenge yourself by thinking about what you can do better next time. Second, reaffirm your personal value and praise yourself for all the hard work you’ve done. Finally, don’t beat yourself up even if it seems like everyone but you is excelling in something regardless of whether that means everyone is getting an A in a certain class and you’re not or everyone has secured a fabulous internship for the summer and you haven’t yet. It’s not productive and definitely not fun.
- Nobody Has the Right to Make You Feel UncomfortableThis particular tip from my mother is important, because it could actually save a life. As modern-day women, we are sometimes taught that we shouldn’t assert ourselves even when we are scared, because we might come off as rude. My mother told me, rightly, that this is silly. If you are ever in a situation where another person is making you feel uncomfortable, speak up! For example, if a man starts following you around or offers you unsolicited help, don’t be afraid to rebuff him. This wisdom also applies if a guy asks you to do something you feel uncomfortable with. You always have the right to protect yourself and tell someone to slow down. It might be a little awkward at the time, but it will be much, much worse if a miscommunication leads to something really serious happening. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, don’t hesitate to use the word “no.” It doesn’t leave any room for confusion, and it shows that you are confident and assured. Finally, if a situation gives you the creeps in general, trust yourself enough to know when it’s time to bow out. Sometimes, you may start to feel afraid of someone or something despite having no “rational” basis for that emotion. Your body is a finely tuned machine that sometimes picks up on subliminal signs of danger that you can’t consciously detect. In other words, follow your instincts! It can save your life.
- Don’t Compare Yourself to Other PeopleI find this advice the most difficult to follow but also the most useful in everyday life. It’s easy to compare yourself to other girls and think they’re so much better than me! They’re prettier, more boys like them, they’re skinner, they’re smarter, they have a better job…the list goes on. Regardless of how you do it, comparing yourself in this way just leads to misery and envy. What’s right for you isn’t going to be right for your best friend or the girl down the hall from you. You will all have your successes and your failures, though people tend to hide their failures more often than they do their successes, which is why it seems like everyone is accomplishing more than you. Long story short, please don’t pressure yourself to find a boyfriend because everyone has one or consider yourself an idiot because you didn’t get picked for the internship. As I stated before, you have so many wonderful qualities, and you need to recognize them. So long as you’re doing your best, taking good care of yourself, and treating other people with dignity, you have nothing to be ashamed of! As my mother once said, nobody will respect you if you don’t respect you. And you deserve the utmost respect! Don’t lose faith, and remember to always be kind to yourself.