As the clock started to strike down towards midnight on New Years Eve, I thought of all the resolutions I had made in the past… and never really followed through on past March. I’ve made resolutions for weight loss, to run more, read more books, go on my phone less, you name it. This year I decided to not make any resolutions, instead, I was going to challenge myself in a way I had never really thought of before; go on 10 dates with 10 different men. I have made resolutions to put myself out there more in the past, but by making a distinct, clear goal for myself, I feel I will really push and challenge myself.
Throughout most of my life, I have always been a very outgoing person. I make new friends everywhere I go, but dating or going out with guys has never really been my priority. Then freshman year of college came and I decided to download the apps. I started going out more on the weekends, yet still, nothing ever really happened. I started to feel like I was the problem, and looking back I definitely was the problem, but not in the way I had thought then. I thought I must have been undesirable or something where people didn’t want me, but I realized later on that I just fully pushed people away when they would get too close or if it would get too real. I would never meet up with anyone I started talking to because then I could get hurt. I would talk about hanging out with them, but never actually did, because I was scared. So yeah, I was the problem, but not because I was undesirable or unlikeable, but because I would push people away. At the time, I did it because I told myself none of the guys were “right” but I was really just scared, even if I didn’t want to admit that to myself (also reality check, nobody will be perfectly “right” just from meeting online).
Come fall of sophomore year, I decided to start saying yes. I hung out with two different guys during the fall, and while neither of the guys were the kind I’d typically ever talk to, making plans was easy, so I figured why not. Neither of them were terrible, but neither hang out was particularly great either, and I stopped saying yes for a little while. Looking back now, I realized I purposely hung out with guys who didn’t really want to date, thinking I couldn’t get hurt if I knew what to expect from these types of guys. I knew what would happen long before it did, and in the end I wasn’t hurt but more so annoyed. So, I started pushing guys away again. I would talk to new guys, make plans I never intended on following through on, then one way or another we would fall out of touch. Rinse and repeat.
Fast forward to New Year’s Eve, I realized I wanted to start saying yes again. I was done with the games of flirting and getting to know the basics of someone, then it turned into them wanting to just hook up, or it would turn into nothing at all. I want to actually get to know someone, go out, have a more “quality” interaction. I knew I would only really do this if I pushed myself and made it fun for myself. Then I felt I could push past this wall I unconsciously put up for so long to protect myself.
So how will this work?
I picked 10 because I felt it was a number I would have to push myself to reach, but it would not be impossible. Additionally, when I say dates, I mean real dates, not what I put up with last semester. I’m done just sitting on a dorm bed talking, or driving around with a guy while he goes to pick up his equipment he forgot in the locker room. While I do love just sitting and talking, I feel like a first date should have a little bit more effort put in from both sides. It could be mini golf, grabbing ice cream and walking along a cute town center, going ice skating, or grabbing coffee. Nothing crazy, but something other than sitting in a car or dorm talking. If he wants that, then that’s fine, but it will not be with me. I know what I want and it’s not just a random hookup with someone I barely know, and someone who doesn’t care who I am. So 10 real dates, actually going out, having fun, and getting to know each other, with 10 guys.
Disclaimer
If I find someone I really like or connect with before I finish out the 10 different first dates, then I will end this challenge. The point of this is not to go out on as many dates as I can, or an excuse to date many people at once, or even to find my person. The point of this is to make myself uncomfortable, and do something I normally would never do. Actually following through on plans, and meeting guys in person has always been something I pushed away from, especially if it was a guy I actually liked. But by challenging myself, I am holding myself accountable. By telling my friends about the challenge, I have others holding me accountable. My hope is that by setting this challenge and telling people about it, I will actually follow through. Once again, this really is just a way for me to push myself out of my comfort zone, and overcome this wall I put up.