About a week ago, I was sitting in one of my classes in Stein and we were having a class discussion on a topic I was really passionate about. I raised my hand to get involved in the conversation, and when my professor called on me, I started my comment with this: “I don’t know if this is going to make sense but…”
Okay past Cassie, what the f*ck was that?
Probably around 80% of the time, I catch myself beginning my class discussion comments with some statement completely downplaying what I’m about to say, claiming that my question/comment “doesn’t make sense” or “it may sound stupid.” One of my professors (who’s also my academic advisor) mentioned this phenomenon in one of our classes last fall. Another girl in my class had asked a question, beginning her sentence with “this is a dumb question but…” and proceeded to ask her question. My professor stopped her, and told her to never feel stupid because there is no such thing as asking dumb questions. She also explained that asking the question is brave in itself, and asking them emphasized her interest and effort to learn the material. My professor also told us about how psychologically, women are way more likely to doubt themselves vocally before they begin a statement or question, whether it be in the classroom, the workplace, or practically any situation.
In addition to making these self-doubting comments, I will frequently dumb myself down in order to avoid feelings of shame or embarrassment if I fail at something. Because in my mind, if I lower everybody’s expectations for me regarding a certain task or topic, it’ll make me feel less guilty if I have difficulty with it later on.
Even with my future career, I often feel incredibly judged by others when I talk about it, resulting in a tendency for me to poke fun at myself. Although I go to a prestigious college like Holy Cross, the college doesn’t offer any majors, minors, or classes in my desired field. As a result, I often feel like my career interests are illegitimate in the eyes of my peers, who all want to become lawyers, doctors, or even work in finance on Wall Street. You can’t blame me for being embarrassed when I tell these people that I want to post content to Instagram or TikTok for a living. Obviously, I’m totally dumbing down my future career in that sentence, but that’s my point.
Like most women, I am stuck in a cycle of self-depreciation and self-doubt. I am always putting my strengths down in an attempt to cover my tracks in case I fail. I joke about my own interests before anyone else has the chance to do so. When someone looks at me and says, “Oh, so YOU’RE that Her Campus girl?” I simply laugh along with them and pretend like running this club is a joke rather than an accomplishment. But, it’s time to start owning your responsibilities and accomplishments.
Yeah, I’m that girl who interned for the social media team at Billboard Magazine this summer and f*cking loved it. So what if my responsibilities were to post on their TikTok and Instagram accounts, or commenting on celebs videos and posts? I f*cking loved it, so what! I have leadership roles in three clubs on this campus, and while I sometimes want to rip out my hair from how busy they make me, I still somehow keep up with the responsibilities effortlessly. Sometimes my classes confuse the crap out of me, and I may ask “dumb” questions. But that’s okay!
To all my self-doubting young women out there, I encourage you to STOP being your own worst enemy. When you start to exude self-confidence and give out the respect for yourself that you want to receive from others, you will start to realize how strong and smart you truly are. No more making excuses for yourself, no more awkward laughs while someone makes a slightly-misogynistic comment towards you, no more self doubt! Focus on your assets, and what you have to make a difference in this world. Whether it be in your classes, in a future job interview, or on a first date, exude self-love and self-appreciation. You’ll thank yourself later:)