Amatonormativity?

I wish and I wish upon a star, for everyone to love themselves for who they are. To no longer disagree with uncertainty, of the flavors they hold inside their hearts. I watch and I wonder with such disappointment, of the ones who only find certainty in others. I’m just kidding, some are different, but the lack of reassurance is what can drive most to illness. And as I stand outside of this patriarchal prison, I see it now the chains and the locks. The way they dress, the way they do their hair, the way they walk and even talk, slap a filter on it and call it love. Obsessed with the attention of someone else, and I’ve been guilty for it myself, but I’ve been changing and I’ll teach you royals too. Take a look from the outside, here I’ll show you. 

*I just went Dr. Seuss on that!*

Anyway, this type of mindset has been programmed into our minds from cradle to grave. Through movies, social media, friends, family, and institutions, they all play a part in flourishing this idea. Readers, meet the term Amatonormativity. Say hello and shake hands, its known you your whole life, its time you all finally meet. (Well stay six feet apart) But I know what you are thinking, the word sounds like something Mary Poppins came up with. It is a mental fantasy, a game if you would like to play it that way. Let me explain a little more. 

When you walk around stores what do they do to pursued you to buy things? They put them on beautiful displays. You with me? Okay, and so let’s hop back into the idea of Amatonormativity. This is the idea of putting relationships, only heterosexual relationships (keep that in mind), on display for everyone to watch, read, listen too and ultimately want, right? Let’s look at Instagram with the picture-perfect couple, and then Facebook with the famous changing of relationship status. Let’s look at movies, all major characters are usually white heterosexual couples, major characters in profitable novels, same thing. So as progressive human beings that we are programmed to be, it is so easy to feed into these things. This concept shows that we have all been programmed to think that our source of accomplishment and fulfillment in life is found in a heterosexual relationship. That soon leads to marriage, kids, and a picket white fence, blah blah blah. 

Now it is kind of confusing to think that this could be a bad thing, and for most folks, it is NOT, but what about when it becomes harmful. So for the folks who are a part of the LGBTQA community? Or the single mothers divorced, thinking they have failed in life, or the ones who break up with partners, thinking their life is over, or the ones who develop trust issues, and any mental instability. Is this starting to sound like a problem? Now I am not saying that all of these experiences always cause mental issues. However, this is the whole happily ever after fantasy that can easily turn into a nightmare and is already a nightmare for some folks. As a straight woman, I cannot speak on the terms or experiences of the members part of the LGBTQ community, but with this platform I want my readers to take a minute and think about these issues that society causes for folks.

For example, little girls are given Barbie dolls in wedding dresses with a matching Ken, right? Always white Barbie dolls don’t forget that. Anyway, they are told that wedding days are the best days of our lives and that they need to grow up get married and live happily ever after. Commonly shown that In every movie, from dating, to marriage, to children, to death, its called the relationship escalator, but why? Why is society obsessed with heterosexual relationships and why does society hide what happens when they are mixed up or don’t work out? Or show how desperate, obsessed, angered people become to achieve this. This desperation is a survival skill to protect ourselves from “dying alone.” Categorizing, that being alone, being single, being divorced, being a part of the LGBTQ community is a failure and that is where I stand to say Amatonormativity is harmful.   

Now again… before y’all read this wrong, I am NOT bashing relationships or marriage or anything of the sort. BUT these are not your path to happiness as Amatonormitivity has tricked you to think. I need folks to see their own worth inside their hearts and reprogram their brains to think so. Things that are built sometimes fall apart and that’s OKAY, again I remind you all that you are going to be OKAY.  And I wish you all the best health and the nest trial and errors your happiness.