There’s no easy way to say this: breakups suck. One day you’re best friends, and the next you’re total strangers. Then, you have people telling you, “it’s all going to be okay,” when every day feels like the end of the world. Nothing I can say will make the pain go away. Mourn the loss that you’re currently experiencing in your life. However, here are some tips to help you thrive and move on after a breakup. Remember, everyone heals at a different pace.
Block them
We’re all guilty of stalking an ex’s Instagram page after a breakup. It’s so easy (and tempting) to keep up with every little thing they’re up to after things have ended. However, I’ve found that stalking their socials only opens up unhealed wounds. I choose to follow the saying, “out of sight, out of mind.” The less you see them in your feed, the less you’ll think about them. Blocking them makes it harder for you to search for, scroll through, and rehash old memories on their page. Now that things have ended, you don’t need to keep up with their every move. Additionally, it might prevent you from sending them a direct message that you’ll later regret the next morning. Do yourself a favor and cleanse them from your feed. You’ll feel so much better, and you won’t be on the edge of your seat waiting for them to reach out and “change their mind.” This might also help give them the hint that things are over, and it’s time to move on.
Spend time with friends
Please remember that although your romantic relationship has ended, you are still surrounded by so much love. Platonic relationships can be just as, if not more, rewarding than romantic ones. Lean on your support systems right now; I’m sure they’d be happy to comfort and be there for you. You don’t have to hold all of these emotions in and bottle them up. Talk to someone you’re close with – get lunch, watch a movie, or have a spa day together.
Think logically
I tend to lead and think with my emotions. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that – having a lot of emotions can be a beautiful thing. However, it’s easy for me to want to crawl right back to a person that’s hurt me, because I remember all the good times, and I miss all the highs. Since breakups are a very emotional thing, try to take a step back and use logic. Ask yourself, “what are three reasons why I know this was the right decision?” Or you could try, “realistically, will I feel like this a few months from now? A year?” Setting up a session with a therapist could also help. Whatever you choose to do, create or use healthy coping mechanisms and positive self-talk to help you heal.
Practice Self-Care
The best person you can have in your life is yourself. Don’t ignore your needs during this difficult time. Journal, write poetry, go for a walk, take yourself to a movie, meditate, listen to music, and eat your favorite foods. Be your own best friend. No one can take better care of you than yourself.
Mourn
What you’re experiencing right now is a loss. Yes, it hurts and might for a long time. There’s no time frame of when you’ll “feel better”; remember to take things at your own pace and don’t compare yourself to others. Trying to run away from the pain will only make things worse, and it will catch up to you eventually. Be upset. Cry. Mourn. Rant. It will be okay. You’ve been through hard times before, and it’s only made you stronger and wiser. You have to allow yourself to feel these difficult emotions; it’s a normal human reaction. I recommend writing a goodbye letter but never giving it to the other person. Just get everything out on paper and say everything you need to say. You might choose to burn it, rip it, or keep it when you’re done. It’s okay to mourn and that looks different for everyone. Better things will come, if you accept it into your life.
Breakups suck. No matter how old you are or how long you’ve been together. If you take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel every emotion, you’ll come out of the situation stronger. You will know what you want and don’t want out of a relationship. You will feel like yourself again. You will smile again.
You will love again.