We’re almost a month into the start of the first semester, and a lot of freshmen are starting to get settled into their new friend groups. I look all over my Instagram feed, and it seems like everybody from my high school is posting stories with their new friends and how they love it at their new college. As an introvert who hasn’t made a single friend at my new school between orientation and now…I somehow can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind my peers.
Over the course of both orientation and welcome week, I had a few conversations here and there with many new faces. Most of the questions I was asked consisted of:
- What’s your major?
- Which dorm building are you staying at?
- And if they were living in the same dorm building as me: What floor are you on?
At first these conversations were a lot of fun, and they left me feeling like I’d made some new friends. Fast forward a few days later, and to the surprise of absolutely no one, I hadn’t had another conversation with those “new friends of mine” since the first one we had. Then the cycle would just repeat itself as I met more new people during welcome week and the first few weeks of classes.
If you’re someone in the same boat as me, you’re probably also feeling more and more isolated as time is passing by without having met your “people”. It’s easy to talk to people and have conversations with them, but it’s so much harder to find the people you actually vibe with and connect with. For me at least, I was talking to people, but I wasn’t “clicking” with anyone. To add onto my anxiety, I would often sit in the dining hall and look around at all the different groups of people and think, “Will I ever find a group of people where I can be myself around?”
Something not a lot of people realize at first glance (myself included), is that most of the friend groups you’re seeing around you likely won’t last by the end of freshman year. Many times people break off from the friends they met at welcome week, unless they ended up getting really lucky. Think about your closest friends during your freshman year of high school compared to your closest friends at the end of your senior year. Does your group consist of the same exact people? For most people, the answer is probably no. You change so much as a person in those four years of your life. You realize who are your true friends and who aren’t, and sometimes you just drift off from those old friends. Now take those four years and translate that into your next four years of college. The only difference is that you’re on your own now—you’re in a new environment, you’re surrounded by all of these new faces, and you’re living by yourself for the first time.
Another important thing to remember is that everyone has different personalities. Not everyone is extroverted enough to build connections with 15 new people in one week and befriend everyone on their floor. For some of us it’s not that easy, and maybe it never has been. I’m the type of person who prefers having fewer, closer friends compared to having multiple acquaintances. I think that’s one of the main reasons why I haven’t been able to form any real connections with anyone, despite putting effort into reaching out to others.
If you’re someone like me, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel lonely now that you’re on your own. Your parents are no longer by your side, nor are your closest friends from high school. Although it might not seem like it from the outside, every other freshman is dealing with this loneliness and everybody misses their home in some way, shape, or form. Instead of having the mindset of, “I’m already a month into college, how have I not made a single friend?”, try thinking more positively. Try telling yourself, “We’re only a month into college, which means I have the next four years to meet so many different people!” Don’t listen to the people encouraging you to find your “group” in the next few weeks just because “everyone” will have their group by then. It’s okay to take your time and be patient! You have so many more years of college ahead of you, it’s okay to not have everything figured out right now because, quite frankly, nobody here does.