One year ago I decided to break up with someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It was one of the most mentally and emotionally draining things I have ever been through. Being single for the first time in five years was easily the hardest part of it all. Losing him was tough, but entering the uncharted territory of learning how to be independent in my early 20’s was absolutely terrifying. One year later, I still find myself longing for someone to fill the empty spaces I have within me. I used to be ashamed of that, but I have learned that there is nothing wrong with where I am at in my healing journey and that everyone’s is different. Finding my new found independence has allowed me to grow so much as a person and discover who I truly am. The personal growth I’ve made didn’t happen overnight. There have been a lot of ups and downs throughout this whole process, but here are a few tips that I wish I had one year ago when I entered my independent girl era.
- Find comfort in those who bring out the best in you: There will be days where you need people to get you through hard moments. Find those people and go to them when you need to. They see you for who you truly are whether you’re in a relationship or not. If they bring out the best in you, keep them around and hold onto them as you grow.
- Fill the empty spaces with things you love: There will be moments where you feel alone. Find things you love and do those things. Whether it’s reading, hanging out with friends or family, or doing the thing you have always wanted to do, keep yourself as busy as your body and mind allow to keep the intrusive thoughts out.
- Allow yourself time to grieve: Give yourself the time and space to be sad when necessary. Growth doesn’t happen without acceptance of the past. It is always okay to feel whatever you’re feeling and allow those emotions to come through, but always keep in mind that you are never alone and to reach out to your comfort people when necessary.
- Learn to love yourself: Before you can ever give someone else the love they deserve, you have to learn how to love who you are at the core. This might take awhile, but this happens in the moments when you’re alone without the comfort of someone else there to hold you in moments of doubt. You must become someone who you trust and love.
- Growth should never stop: Even when you feel as though you have made a lot of progress as a person, know that there is always more growth to be made. We as people should always strive to be better and love ourselves and who we are. becoming with each passing day. Your growth journey should always continue, whether you have a significant other or not.
While everyone’s journey looks different, I wish I had someone to tell me these key tips that I have found to help me throughout the past year. While I am happy with where I am going, I know that I have so much farther to go. It is scary and exhilarating all at the same time, and I think that is what makes finding who you are absolutely beautiful.