It’s all about balance, fambam.
The feelings you get when you’re in love fill your entire life with initial excitement for what’s to come.
And if you’re handling your relationship the right way, that excitement never dies out. I’ve been there and as college students, I could assume most of us have as well. I know what it’s like to feel as if your relationship is the most important part about you. I know what it’s like to feel like nothing could ever make you as happy as this other person could. But here’s a concept I really wish I grasped years back: balance is key.
I remember thinking I really didn’t need anyone else when I was in a long term relationship. I remember feeling invincible and feeling confident that that person would be the single constant in my life. And sometimes that is the case for relationships. They could stand the test of time and last forever, but there are cases where it doesn’t. And that could leave you more lost than ever. My relationships with my family and friends suffered over time. I felt lost and stuck in my own world once I realized a pair can’t be so exclusive and still be healthy. So it’s important to recognize when your significant other could be taking over too much of your time because with time this could cause a rift between not only you two, but those around you.
Yes, spending time with your significant other is probably one of the best feelings in the world. When I was in a relationship, I loved it and know I still will in my next one but this time around, I’ll be sure to make better judgement calls when dividing up my time. Time spent with certain friends and family is so precious and if your significant other is in it for the long haul, you have the rest of your life with them.
Another way over-prioritizing a relationship can be toxic is that you could become blind to the fact that you unconsciously set your own ambitions aside just for your significant other. Chances are you had big plans for yourself far before the relationship started so it’s key to still have big plans for yourself before all else even during the relationship. You don’t want to lose yourself as an individual for someone you’re dating.
Staying true to yourself as an individual is the biggest takeaway I got out of my long-term relationship. As cliché as it sounds, there’s nothing worse than feeling as if you lost your independence and individuality. This may not seem like an issue for new relationships, but it’s very easy to slip into each other’s day to day lifestyles and everything you do becomes more of a “we” and us” than a “me”. This could include being excluded from certain social events just because you’re in a relationship or because your significant other can’t go so your friends assume you can’t either. Keeping true to your own individual growth is crucial and something that shouldn’t be replaced, even by your significant other.
So yes, love your relationship, love being with your partner, love who you are with or without your partner, prioritize and support each other. But as important and exciting as love is, always remember to avoid crossing that line to where you feel yourself lost in someone else.