Entering my senior year of high school, I had a very strong opinion about long distance relationships in college: don’t do it. Take a break; date other people. If you both still miss each other after some time, go from there.
That “strong” opinion of mine has taken quite the turn, as I’m a freshman involved in a long distance relationship, and I am more than happy with that decision.
I completely understand why other people don’t understand. How can you possibly maintain such a strong connection when you only see someone for half the year? It’s a valid question and my answer is simple: there isn’t any answer.
Sure, technology makes the distance easier. Being able to text throughout the day, send embarrassing selfie Snapchats and sitting down for a Skype session to see each other’s faces does make a difference. However, there is no step-by-step guide to follow.
When deciding whether or not to do long distance, I talked to people and searched endlessly for concrete evidence that this could work. I read success stories, creative ideas for how to stay close and made pro-con lists. All of it, though, had no personal meaning to me. And slowly but surely I’m learning why.
Relationships, long distant or not, work when both parties put in the work. This isn’t to say that long distance can be successful for everyone just because two people love each other, but, there is no magical, universal piece of advice to give any two people when it comes to their unique relationship.
Unless I know two people really well, I try to refrain from giving them relationship advice. The most perfect advice for one couple could be the worst for another. I know that in my situation, breaking up to attend college wouldn’t have worked.
Since distance was the only “reason” to break up, we wouldn’t have been able to just cut off communication the instant we moved away, and it wouldn’t have truly come to an end. Through my experience, it’s crucial to understand the importance of growing individually in college, and part of staying together is finding a way to help rather than hinder that growth for each other.
Truthfully, it does get tough at times. It’s hard to say goodbye after visits, and sometimes I do break down and cry. Of course long distance isn’t ideal. It would be more convenient to have a boyfriend here, but timing does play a part in things. We met and fell in love in high school, and that doesn’t go away just because we’re physically apart.
You could argue that there are real benefits: the ability to miss someone, having it be over-the-top amazing when you do see that person and getting chocolates delivered to your dorm!
While I’m grateful for these small perks, I’m not ignorant to the fact that of course I’d much rather be closer to him. However, that desire to be closer isn’t strong enough that I’d choose to end what we have. I can’t tell any couple whether or not doing long distance is right for them. I can only judge my own relationship, and for me, I wouldn’t choose someone else. I’m choosing to stay with the person I want to be with, and the distance just comes with the territory.
It is scary, but neither of us can change that we’re far apart, and neither of us can change our desire to stay together. So we deal with it in the best way we can, and that’s by following our own advice and making up our own rules. The best advice I can give is to listen to your instinct and go from there. And that’s why it works.