We’ve all been there; you’ve been hanging out with this super cute guy, and in your eyes, you two have been vibing pretty hard. However, whenever people ask you, “So are you two dating or just friends?” you have absolutely no idea how to answer. “Uh…” you stammer, “We’re… dating… as friends… kind of.” You know in the back of your mind that you need to get to the bottom of this, but that’s kind of impossible since the guy won’t bring up THE conversation.
A majority of girls have been through this problem. Jess, from New Girl, has a point where she has no idea where her and Nick stand after they kissed and has no idea what to do about it. “He can’t communicate a feeling to save his life, but why can’t I stop thinking about his mouth on my mouth?” She says.
It is a very scary process to figure out where you and your bae stand. Here’s a few tips on how to figure it out:
1. Make sure it’s what you want before you go for it. In Steve Harvey’s book “Think like a man, act like a lady,” he recommends waiting three months before dating someone. Lust is very different from developing emotional feelings for someone, he explains. You want to make sure that you truly like the person for who they are, not just because they make you feel like a million bucks every time he kisses you. Although feeling the sparks fly is also an incredibly amazing feeling.
2. Ask a mutual friend to see how he’s feeling. Although the best thing is to figure out what’s going on by directly talking to the guy you like, it can be nice to have a bit of an idea of where things are going without having to talk to him. Maybe just grab a girlfriend or guy friend you can confide in and ask them, “Hey, has **insert name here** talked about me at all?” The friend may have no clue or say, “Yeah, he said this!” or even offer to talk to him and see what he says, and then you’ll have a slight idea.
3. Talk it out. This is absolutely terrifying, but the only way you’re going to get the best answer possible is by talking directly to him. Then your friends won’t misphrase things he says or let something slip that you said about him. Just count to three in your head, and then say something along the lines of “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you but I feel like we’re in a gray area; where do we stand right now?” Then he’ll either say how much he adores you back and wants you back, or you’ll move on and find your perfect Prince Charming!
4. Ask him out! He may just be a little scared that you don’t like him back. So take initiative; this is the 21st century after all. Ask him out to dinner or to go see a movie, or anything that you think would be fun. Maybe once he starts to see you opening up to him and taking initiative to spend personal time with him, he’ll feel more confident to ask you out and tell you where things stand.
Although it is a very nerve-racking process, it is also a short process that could give you clarity for a much larger and longer part of your life. So don’t hold back for too long! Trust me, you’re worth it and any guy who’s smart enough will realize how much of a catch you are.