HC Ithaca Her Gay BFF: Not Your Gay Accessory

When you wake up in the morning and you plan your outfit, chances are you try to accessorize it. You pick out a purse, some jewelry, whatever. But a new trend that’s been emerging is swapping out the purse for a gay man. It appears as if having a gay best friend has become somewhat of a fashion trend. To me this is problematic.
 
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I love more than romping around the town with my gals, but I like to think of myself as their friend. I like to know I am just as much a part of the conversation as everyone else and that my gal friends keep me around for ME, not for my sexuality.  But for every gay man, this may not be the case. I know I’ve been in groups where at times I’ve felt strange about my identity within the dynamic. Sometimes you can get swept up in being an accessory. Sometimes it’s a lot of fun to just run around like “one of the girls,” the “eye candy.”
 
But gay men, just like all other people in this world, have more to themselves than their appearance. For me, it’s politics. As much as I love to turn my brain off and just walk around with my arm linked onto a friend’s, if you’re not respecting me for my intellect then we have no reason to be together.
 
I am a person with my own thoughts and ideas and as GOOD as I do look on your arm (because let’s be honest, you and I both know I do), I’d much rather have a friendship with you based on our personalities.
 
If you really feel like you need a new accessory, go to the Salvation Army and get yourself a nice purse. I’m a human being, not an object. I’m not something for you to brag about; I’m not something that you can keep around only when you want me.
 
Don’t accessorize me. I’ll be happy to be your gay best friend, but my gayness should have nothing to do with our friendship.