A Girl’s Guide to the Super Bowl

The holy day for the American male has nearly arrived, the Super Bowl. Personally I think the combination of football, booze, and an assortment of chips makes for a great Sunday fun-day, but understandably not every girl is with me on that. February however is a month for compromises. If we expect men to sacrifice their wallets (and manhood) for Valentines Day, us ladies need to turn off the Real Housewives marathon and participate in the Super Bowl festivities. Whether you are in a relationship or your crush invited you to a watch party it’s important to know the basics of this monumental game. This guide will educate you on more than just the bound to be epic Beyonce halftime show. 

The Game: 

For Super Bowl XLVII (that’s number 47 for all of you who gave up on Roman numerals), we travel down to New Orleans. NOLA plays host for the first time since Hurricane Katrina and the 10th time overall. This game has more family drama than a Kardashian Thanksgiving. The battling head coaches are actually brothers, so don’t be confused when you constantly hear the game referred to as the “Harbaugh Bowl.” 

Catch the game on CBS at 6:30 pm on Sunday, February 3rd. Prep the beer bong early, the pre-game show will start four hours prior to kick off.

The Teams:

The San Francisco 49ers

Overview: If you feel like putting down a friendly dollar and red is your color, you may choose to go with the 4.5 point favorites, the 49ers. The NFC champion is no stranger to the big game. The 49ers are 5-0 in Super Bowl appearances. A sixth win will tie them with the Steelers for most Super Bowl wins. 

Coach: Jim Harbaugh, the slightly younger brother. Known to be the emotional Harbaugh, he’s probably just bitter about the 15 month age difference. 

Key Players: Quarterback- Colin Kaepernick, Running Back- Frank Gore, Wide Receiver- Michael Crabtree, and Tight End (get your mind out of the gutter)- Vernon Davis. Name drop these guys throughout the game when all else fails. 

The Baltimore Ravens

Overview: The east coast rebel of the two. They may have a dude who’s kind of a criminal but it’s totally chill because he can tackle. Showing that real men wear purple, these AFC champions are making their second Super Bowl appearance. 

Coach: John Harbaugh. Fun fact: John’s (and Jim’s) sister is married to Tom Crean.

Key Players: Studly Quarterback- Joe Flacco, Linebacker- Ray Lewis (last career game, expect lots of tears), Running Back- Ray Rice, and Wide Receiver- Anquan Boldin.

DOS and DON’TS 

DONT touch the remote. I repeat DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE. Also along the lines of the less severe DO NOT walk in front of the TV. Food will likely be thrown at you if you disobey. 

DONT get confused by yellow lines. The yellow lines on the TV screen are not really on the fields. Save the embarrassment and know the yellow represents where a team needs to get for a first down, the blue represents the line of scrimmage (imaginary line a team cannot cross until play has begun). 

DONT expect guys to care as much about the Beyonce performance as you do, unless she pulls a Janet Jackson. 

DONT ask too many questions, as we know patience is a characteristic most men don’t possess. 

DO pick a team to cheer for simply to make things exciting.

DO provide good food, after all food is the way to anyone’s heart.

DO drink beer. Give Karkov the night off and enjoy some nice, cold frat water

DO watch the commercials, the Super Bowl ads are the most expensive 30 second spots in all of television, and they are great.

There you have it ladies, you’re ready for the big game. Suck up your pride, suck down some Bud Light, and enjoy the big game! 

Need to brush up on more Super Bowl facts? Check out our other Super Bowl article Everything You Need To Know: Super Bowl Edition