When it comes to hooking up, I’m no expert. For me, awkward encounters far outweigh steamy sessions in the sack, but they always say we study history to learn from our mistakes and I have a few lessons that every collegiette can learn from.
“I met him at the bar” is a phrase that many of us have uttered to our friends after returning from the classic early morning walk of shame. And although there is nothing wrong with the occasional one night stand, never underestimate the power of beer goggles.
“My experience has taught me that if you find yourself at all questioning it when you’re drunk, you will definitely regret it in the morning,” said *Kara, an IUP student and self-proclaimed sex-goddess.
It basically boils down to knowing the difference between a guy you may be interested in and a guy that your vodka-water-sours has you interested in. Although it never really works when sober me tells drunk me “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”, using that same motto in terms of guys could mean the difference between hooking up with that quiet mysterious guy from your philosophy class and hooking up with your friend’s sorority sister’s ex-boyfriend who keeps crushing beer cans off his head and calling you “Ashley”.
The next thing to keep in mind when hooking up is not to go over-board on the liquid courage. Although having a few drinks can make you feel more relaxed and give you a confidence boost, taking it too far causes most people to act like complete douche bags, and I can say this with authority because I work in a bar.
Instead of pounding double vodka-cranberry’s down your throat during the fifty-cent wells specials, try sipping on a beer instead. Drinking beer will make you feel fuller and cause you to drink less. If you aren’t much of a beer drinker stick to fruitier brews such as Blue Moon and Shocktop; or see if they have any hard ciders on tap.
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From my own experience I can say nothing kills a mood faster than projectile vomiting all over your kitchen counter in front of a hot guy, and there is nothing sexy about a guy trying to take off your pants when they’re covered in puke. As the wise Asher Roth once said, “don’t have sex if she’s too gone.”
Without alcohol as a crutch, sober hook up’s don’t always happen the way they do in movies. It’s not always candles and silk sheets and smoldering glances. More often than not it involves fumbling, stumbling, bad angles and awkward lighting (what landlord felt fluorescent lights belong in a college bedroom?!) The key to any successful hook-up is feeling comfortable with your partner. It’s okay to make silly jokes and be yourself because even though you’re strategically lounging to shift the focus away from any problem areas, odds are the guy you’re with is so amazed that a naked girl is in front of him he probably thinks you’re Aphrodite.
Another component of having a successful hookup is communication. Guys often times are less experienced than they pretend to be. Unfortunately for us, this usually means their foreplay skills are subpar, and often leads to them trying to cook a turkey without pre-heating the oven. Now not all women are experts in the kitchen, but most of us have a pretty good idea about what we like in the bedroom, and you just can’t rush a gourmet meal. Never be afraid of hurting a guy’s feelings because they’ll never know if you never teach them and most guys even consider a girl who knows what she likes to be a turn on.
“I’d prefer the girl [I’m hooking up with] tells me what she likes. That way, we can both have a fun time,” said sophomore Luke Walsh.
The best teacher may be experience, but by remembering these tips you’ll be on your way to hook-up heaven in no time. (Which I hope is nothing like 7 minutes in heaven because I’m pretty sure those were some pretty awkward times for all of us.)