Since I was little, I have always held my grammy to a different standard than everyone else. She could never make me mad, irritate me, or do any wrong. She was and still is the best grandmother I could ever ask for. But looking at her today, she is not at all the same person. It’s been so long since she’s been herself. There are glimpses here and there of the intelligent, sweet woman I used to know. When she first started to change, my family and I could not understand what was going on. We didn’t understand why she was getting so mad at us or asking questions that had obvious answers. Luckily, my gram was already living with us so we could recognize these changes sooner. It was and still is incredibly hard to accept these things and not become frustrated. I never thought I would be frustrated with this sweet, loving woman. It took us all a very long time to build up our patience and we have to try every day.
My family and I are incredibly lucky that she is still mostly “with it”, but she truly cannot be left alone and there are many everyday things she can no longer do- using the microwave, making dinner, or even controlling the TV remote. People with dementia like a routine and when that routine is interrupted, it is incredibly confusing and can be nearly impossible for them to adapt. Despite our efforts to make things easier for my gram, buying a bigger, louder home phone was a change that took weeks for her to understand. When our coffee maker broke we had to buy a new one, the same model wasn’t available, but the new one had only one extra button to push- my gram could not recognize how to use it.
These situations have completely altered how we live our lives. There are few changes we can make that won’t affect my gram’s routine or understanding of what is going on. We put her first before we make any decision. It can be so frustrating. It has been years since my family and I went on a vacation together, let alone out to dinner. Unless my gram wants to go, then we don’t have an option. Her safety comes first. While making these sacrifices can be hard, I believe I have come out a better person for it. Despite the tragedy of what is happening to my grammy, she has taught me patience that I never thought I could have. Taking care of her has helped me to find what I want to do with my life- nursing. My gram was also a nurse and despite her memory loss, she can recall lots of stories from her nursing days and loves to share them with me. I can see the love and pride in her eyes when I tell her about the accomplishments I’ve made and the things I’ve learned. I believe she has passed onto me the love, compassion, and strength it takes to be a nurse. She is one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given in my life and I wouldn’t change her for anything. Despite the years of frustration and not knowing how to handle it, I now love taking care of my gram. I know that she is receiving the best care she can get within my family. I will always cherish every moment with her knowing that no matter what is going on within her brain, we love each other.
