As Taylor would say, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feelin’ 22.” So much has happened in the past year, I don’t know where to begin. I was so excited to be back on campus and back to the way things were, but I don’t think we will fully recover from this pandemic. This has been one of the best and worst years of my life with many ups and more downs. I have had happiness and heartbreak, very low points and very high points, and the best time and the worst. The thing that I have noticed most about myself is that I care too much, and I have been working to let things go and be a bigger person. Recently, I have had to do this and it broke my heart, but I feel almost refreshed.
This year back to school so far is far from what I thought it would be. I thought I could come back and everything would be the same. Friends changed, work changed, and college life changed. I wanted to come “home” but really my home is with my mom, it will always be. The only thing that made college home was Anthony. I know though that he graduated and I am about to. This is so scary because my plan was to go straight into medical school after graduating. No gaps. No breaks. This did not work out. I read on Reddit threads and articles people have written that almost all of the applicants do not get in the first cycle applying unless they have perfect scores and a strong background in research. I am not going to be upset though, or at least show it. I am going to take this opportunity to do better. I am going to study and retake my MCAT with more hard work and help. I am going to find a way to conduct research and get job experience with my degree upon graduation. I have a plan, I am going to better my application and reapply. If I do not get in the second cycle, I have a plan to get a master’s degree instead and pursue a different range in the medical field.
I am sad but excited to graduate. Sad because of a new beginning but happy to start my life finally. Happy to know where I will be for the long haul. I love the memories I have made at IUP. I love to look back at my first & second year and see all of the love I had. I have had the same team of people by my side since day 1 and I have a message for them all (I already wrote one to Maggie, see the article dear best friend HERE ) :
Dear Mom,
Thank you for everything you have done for me. As I approach my last semester in my undergraduate degree, I want you to know that this was all for you. I wanted to make you so proud. I wanted to make sure I could take care of you like you did me all of these years. I will reach that goal and I will give back. Thank you for being there when all of my friends and family doubted me, hurt me, and treated me like shit. You are my hero, inspiration, and favorite person. I am honored to have you as my mom. You deserved better than the world handed you. You deserve everything.
Dear Anthony,
You are one of the best things that have ever happened to me. Even though we are separated by miles I love you so much and I will always be here. This year was your worst year yet. Full of self-doubt and hatred, tears, heartbreak, and unfairness. You know that everyone that knows you loves you so much. I want you to know that just being here is enough for us. We can’t imagine a world without you. Stay true to your heart because you have your dad’s. He is always going to be there with you and is so proud of you. I was at the lowest point of my life my first couple of months here and you saved me. Always remember that. You saved me.
Dear Christyn,
Thanks for being my best friend. You are always there for me when I need you. Even when we sit in my room in complete silence it means so much to me. My best friend coming into college abandoned me and you filled that hole in my heart. I have a lot of friends, but very few that I can call when I need them. You are one of them. Thank you for making sure I am not alone. Thanks for doing everything with me. You have such a big heart behind the wall you put up. Always stay true to yourself and know that I couldn’t have done it without you.
Dear Michaela,
I couldn’t have done it without you this semester. We both have had such a hard time and I am so happy we have gotten closer. You should know that you are stronger than you think and deserve to love yourself because everyone that knows you loves you more than you think. Remember that I am always here for you, and I couldn’t ask for a better person to be by my side in leading this group. Thanks for being a good friend, partner, and person. You have such a big heart and that is the best quality to have.
So, for my 22nd birthday, I don’t want money or gifts. I want my friends. The people that have been there for me. My loves. My safe places. I want to reflect on the happiness and look forward to making more memories. I am looking forward to making plans together in the future. Cheers to 22, another year of memories and love.
