Perhaps you have noticed this: you are in a conversation, discussing women’s safety, or sexual assault statistics, or any possible danger that men can pose to women, and a guy friend of yours is quick to butt in “but not all men…”
Boys. Men. Guys. Not ALL men is not the problem at hand here. We know that not all men are going to commit sexual assault. We know that not all men pose a threat to our safety. We know that not all men have bad intentions. However, the fact that it is not all men is not the point. It is quite far from it, frankly.
From a statistical standpoint, women are far more likely to be sexually assaulted by men than women. Let’s put this into perspective. According to RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, one out of every six American women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape, and one out of every five female college students will experience sexual assault. To put that in a different perspective, imagine how many female friends you have, or females that you interact with on a regular basis. Probably more than five or six. So, it is entirely likely that multiple of the women you know have been or will be sexually assaulted. From this, it is evident that sexual assault is not something that only happens to people you don’t know, because every woman is at risk, and that includes those who are closest to you.
So, we know that you, our dear male friend, are not someone who has or ever will commit sexual assault. And we are not saying that you are. But, pointing out the obvious fact that not all men are perpetrators of sexual assault does not change the fact that women are statistically far more likely to be assaulted by one. It does not change the fact that many women are uncomfortable walking alone at night, or carry pepper spray with them, or have to be on constant guard.
Instead of saying “not all men,” recognize the fact that as a male, you are able to make a difference by acknowledging that men make up the majority of perpetrators of sexual assault. Recognize your privilege, and use it to ensure that your female friends, or any female for that matter, are safe. Recognize when something is wrong, especially knowing the previously stated statistics. Don’t point out the obvious of “not all men,” for there is no need. Be the change yourself, so that you do not feel the need to say “not all men.”