In February 2012, I hit a wall. I had lost interest in school. I rarely had the gumption to complete my homework, and waking up in the morning to catch the bus was nearly impossible. Whenever I thought about the future, I broke out into a sweat. My stomach clenched, and I felt nauseated. I found myself making excuses for every assignment that I was assigned. I convinced myself that everything would be ok as long as I passed. Each one of my teachers in high school had spoken of this moment. They wagged their fingers and warned me not to succumb to the inevitable. My diagnosis? Senioritis. Once I graduated high school, I thought that I had left senioritis behind me. I didn’t know that round two was another four years away.
When teachers talked about senioritis, the always spoke disparagingly. They told us that senior were lazy, and they stopped caring about academics after winter break. My psychology teacher had a different opinion. In her opinion, the students were not lazy. In fact, she used seniors as an example of the psychological term “regression.” She speculated that by sitting in study hall coloring and playing games, we were actually going back to a safer time. The days that we spent coloring in grade school we felt safe. We didn’t have worry about the unknown–colleges, technical schools, or jobs. We laughed her off. Seniors in high school are fearless. We do not cower in fear coloring pictures of Disney princesses.
Until recently, I had completely forgotten about this lecture. A month or so ago, I took a good look at myself. My friends and I stayed in on a Friday night. We watched The Emperor’s New Groove and Tarzan, and we were coloring in coloring books. My teacher’s words hit me. I had reverted back to a five year old. The symptoms of Senioritis I felt in high school were nothing compared to this. I am nervous. So nervous, in fact, that I have developed an ulcer. When I started college, I still had my parents as a safety net. Graduating high school was similar to jumping off of the diving pool with arm floaties and swim vests. Graduating college is a whole different beast. I feel like someone is making me walk the plank. No floaties. No swim vests. Sink or swim.
So, when I think about graduating, I tend to panic. And I’m not the only one. It’s a taboo topic among my friends. In an ideal world, we would buy a few acres of land then all build houses right next door to each other. I tell my family I’m going to own a food truck. Realistically, I’ll probably be going to graduate school. I will probably get a part time job and a cramped apartment. I don’t have any grand plans, but everything is all starting to come together piece by piece. I’m not a self-help coach. But, I can share what has helped me get through the past few months.
1. When you add work, internships, clubs, and social obligations to the already stressful task of applying to jobs or graduate school your head feels like it is going to explode. Lean on your friends. I promise. You are not the only one going through this transition. You don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out!
2. Don’t let your last semester pass you by! Try to pick up a new activity, work out, and keep busy. Most importantly, take advantage of all of the activities your school has to offer. Make a bucket list and get it done!