“I should’ve known that two weekends in a row would be pushing it for Natalie,” is what one of my friends said when I told her I could not go out to a “pregame” followed by a party one Saturday. My pile of homework was as high as Mount Everest and I just needed to get it over with. I did not respond to her, as I was too shocked that someone might believe that not attending one of the college frat parties one weekend might be an indication that someone cannot handle it. No, I am not the girl who goes out and gets drunk each weekend. Nor do I look forward to finding out who’s having the latest “rager.” (*Spoiler, it’s generally a toss-up between the same two places.) And yes, I do enjoy a few drinks with my friends when I am able to, but parties are just not my thing.
Making the decision to stay in and catch up on the work that I have been putting off does not make me a boring person or antisocial, it just means I am choosing to do something else with my time. Moreover, my friends deciding to spend their weekends at the weekly college parties does not mean they are beneath me in any way. So why is it that they think I am weak for not attending? There is a stigma associated with college parties… It’s that ol’ naïve thought that if you are in college and you don’t want to spend your free time in the corner of a dark, hot basement filled with sweaty bodies, and the only light to guide you is being produced by people browsing Instagram…. You must be lame. As someone with other hobbies, I never understood this notion.
I like to enjoy a few drinks when the mood strikes me, in fact I am able to hold my own quite well. But forgive me if The Sweaty Basement just doesn’t do it for me. I am a girl who will pick a glass of red wine over a bottle of beer. My friends are well aware of the fact that I am generally equipped with champagne to enjoy over some kind of fruity concoction that is trying (and failing) to mask the heaps of liquor meant to quickly induce intoxication. I enjoy deep conversations that prompt me to think about life and quick-witted jokes—nobody can resist a good pun. I do not drink to get drunk and my idea of a good time is not spent throwing back shots until I can’t form coherent sentences. To me, a good night is spent having stimulating conversations with friends rather than being in a setting where the music is too loud and conversation will be forgotten or hazy in the morning. But if that is your idea of a great time, good for you! Live it up in the ways that you enjoy most!! I am never the one to judge people for these decisions; in fact, I enjoy hearing my friends’ stories from going out. What bothers me is when people do not respond with the same courtesy.
I am not insecure about the fact that I do not typically enjoy parties or getting hammered. I have been a number of times, mind you, but never have I come back with the thought, I live for nights like these. I know this is not an uncommon feeling, yet this is the time of our lives when it is encouraged most to overindulge in these affairs to get it out of our system… or what is more common: because it is just what everyone does at this point. The truth is that there are many students who choose not to spend their weekends at parties. There are also those who feel obligated to go because it is just what people do or, in many cases, it is prompted by classic peer pressure. It is important to respect other people in whatever they may choose. My aim is not to offend, but to demand respect. So I am asking those who enjoy going to parties to try not to respond to those choosing otherwise by producing a small remark or making a face that suggests this is a regrettable decision. You may not even realize that you do this, but try to be mindful. While it may not necessarily be seen as “the norm,” many people personally decide against attending parties. This does not mean these people are incapable, lame, antisocial, or shy. It simply means they would prefer not to so respect that; and maybe ask yourself the reason why you go to parties.