“How are you?”
“Good, good.”
“How are you?”
“I’m doing good too.”
What’s the question you are asked the most every week, maybe even every day? For me, and I’m assuming for most of us, it’s the question, “How are you.” This question usually occurs in professional settings; looking for jobs, talking to professors, meeting new people, long-lost relatives, talking to strangers, any environment where we are not comfortable enough to jump straight into a free-form conversation. Every so often, someone cracks a joke within the question’s premise, and to those people, I really appreciate you. But to everyone else, I want to pose the question, are you really doing good?
Obviously, the answer is no. We as humans will go on to say “I’m doing good” during a pandemic and when the most critical election of our lifetimes is happening. It’s just instinct at this point. Even at moments when all you’ve wanted to do is break down and cry from the stress of life, we say, “I’m good.”
In my eyes, the question and its resulting answer no longer hold any value. The value originates from asking how someone is to arrange our treatment and conversation based on our emotions and days. Or maybe the value of the question lies in etiquette and politeness. Either way, it doesn’t feel like the questions uphold either criteria nowadays. In our fast-paced society, where we can find out how someone is doing by tapping on their story, we are inclined to go for the easier way to daily life and get to know someone.
However, in 2020, we definitely can use these questions to form stronger connections to strangers or people that we don’t know that well. Already separated by a virtual screen; why add another barrier to our relationships with others.
So how do I propose that we utilize this question of “How are you?” I’m not sure.
I tried to brainstorm some ideas, but it depends on many formats, including how the question is presented (email, call, facetime, in-person) what setting it occurs (classroom, workplace, social environment, volunteer work, Walmart). And a note of caution. Keep in mind your audience and their temperament. If they don’t seem like they’re in the mode for conversation, jokes, or you, keep it simple with the good old “good, fine, great, well.” There’s no need to unload your day on someone who doesn’t or can’t reciprocate the same energy.
Try to say something other than good the next you get asked that question and keep it short and straightforward. Maybe if we all made it an active goal to use the starter of all our conversations as an actual catalyst, we could form stronger relationships with those around us. And if you want to stick with the good old trusty, “good,” I don’t blame you. Sometimes we have to say that if we’re going to make the best out of that day.