Hi friends! I hope you are all well. Death is not really spoken about enough in society. Nobody really prepares you for the pain and devastation losing a loved one brings. Nobody sincerely teaches you about the grieving process either. My grandfather recently passed away this week. It happened so fast and unexpectedly. I have been really struggling with his passing which is why I want to share what I have been doing while I grieve to help others who may be experiencing the same feeling.
- When you have to cry, let it all out.
Everyone will tell you, “Don’t cry, (insert person’s name who passed away) would not want you to be upset,” “You’re stressing yourself out by crying,” or “Don’t be sad, keep happy memories in your head.” Do not listen to anyone. Cry whenever you feel the need to, no matter the circumstance. Bottling up your tears and feelings does nothing but harm. Releasing your emotions helps you feel closer to being at peace with the circumstances.
- Do not throw any memories or photos away
You may think that it would be easier just to delete every text message, photo, voicemail, email, etc., from the person who passed away because it would be too difficult to keep. That is completely wrong. Keeping those items keeps the legacy of the person who passed away alive. Keeping those items fills the void that the person who passed away left when they passed. My grandfather would leave me voicemails all the time, whether it would be serious or in a lighthearted manner. Listening to them and having them comforts me. When I miss him, I can listen to them and almost feel like he is there with me. You will regret getting rid of anything in the future.
- Be patient with yourself
It may be hard to process what has happened. In my experience, it still does not feel like it actually happened, and it feels unreal. It genuinely feels like a nightmare. It is hard to understand that my grandfather is truly gone. Give yourself time to process what has happened. Things do not happen overnight, and things take time. The road to feeling at peace will be lengthy as well as challenging. Do not be hard on yourself and be kind to yourself.
- Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve
Every person’s grieving process and experience is different. As an example, what is working for me, may not work for you. You shape your own experience and journey. This journey is about you and what you are doing to mourn. With that said, always do what is in your best interest and what is the most beneficial to you.
- Rest and take care of yourself
You have dealt with a lot; make sure you are taking care of yourself. Self-care is different for everyone, so do what makes you personally feel the healthiest and happiest. I personally have been sleeping, laying down, and watching movies. There is nothing wrong with that because that is what keeps me going.
I hope this advice helped you if you needed to hear it. But, even if you did not need to hear it, at least you have some idea of what grieving may be like. On a different note, I ask you all to do one thing for me. Please hold your loved one’s tight tonight. You never know when you could lose them. I wish I could hug my grandfather one last time.