It’s my senior year in college, although it hasn’t necessarily hit me yet. I’m sure others can relate, but I feel like I’m on autopilot. Like yes, I’m living, having fun, enjoying my last year to the fullest and trying my best to make this year amazing, but it’s almost as if I’m living this way for my future self to be happy about. Don’t get me wrong though, I love life right now and I’m very happy, it just seems surreal. Almost like a case of imposter syndrome—I don’t know how to be a senior or how to process this. Everyone asks, “How do you feel?”, and all I can do is say I feel indifferent, I’m simply ready to move on to the next part of my life. But that’s ok! I don’t see it as a bad thing, I see it as I’m constantly ready for growth and change.
Can I blame COVID? I’m gonna blame COVID. COVID took away my senior year, and yes, I’m still bitter, so I’ll blame it for my uncertainty. But in reality, I guess there’s no specific way a senior should act. So, we’ll say the way that I’m acting is indeed the way I should be! I think having this mindset takes away the pressure you might feel, in any situation. As long as there’s no guide with a step by step on how to be, you can do anything (within legal boundaries of course lol) and it won’t be considered “improper” or “wrong.”
So, what’s next? I don’t actually know. I just know what I want to do this year: little goals I’ve set for myself. I’m calling it my ‘Do It’ list. Simple, I know, but it’s effective and straight to the point! One of the things on my list is to start a workout schedule. I see people on campus constantly at the gym and I say, ‘I should start going to the gym again,’ but I never do. My excuse is always ‘my classes run late’ or ‘I’m always sewing and have no time.’ So, I’m saying this year I have to do it, simply for my own sake, because once I graduate and start working my schedule won’t be perfect and I’ll have to find time.
I know I’ll have a great last year, and I hope everyone else does too! It’s a matter of perspective and I will have the best mindset no matter what. Happy last first day to all my seniors!