We’re all happy to go home for the holidays, especially to get out of Hopkins for a while and eat enough food to make us feel sick for the next week and a half. But before you’re able to inhale an entire turkey leg in one breath, you’ll inevitably have to endure the discussions that will happen with those family members trying really hard to relate to you.
They don’t know better, of course. They don’t realize what these topics do to you. But either way, we must be prepared. Brace yourselves, friends, your oblivious family is coming to town. Here are some questions your aunt and uncle and grandma and weird second cousin will ask you; try not to cry.
1. How is college treating you?
2. I hope you’re not going to too many crazy parties!
Let me live.
3. Is Hopkins really that hard?
4. How are your grades looking this semester?
What matters, Grandpa, is that I’m a good person.
5. What’s your major? Do you know what you’re going to do with that?
Do you know what you’re going to do about your balding problem, Uncle Kevin? Didn’t think so.
6. Do you know where you’re living next year?
Housing is a rough subject here.
7. What are your summer plans?
8. How’s your job going? Making the big bucks?
I ate crackers for dinner last night.
9. Any new boys in your life?
SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR TURKEY GRANDMA!
10. What’s your plan after graduation?
Why are you doing this to me, Aunt Marie?!
Let’s try to hold it together over dinner, everyone. We can do this.