Despite being jetlagged from a 36-hour commute, John Mulaney made it to our beautiful campus on November 4. He didn’t want to leave Qatar, but we are, after all, a top ten school – so how could he deny us?
These are a few great tips that John gave us that should be put into effect at JHU immediately.
1. No one should yell “Roll Tide” anymore. We do not go to University of Alabama.
2. If John Mulaney were to fall down on the stage, we would most likely just film him and never call for help. We are, as he put it, “the greatest generation,” and we should never change.
3. If you’re an English major like he was, you should look into a career as a comedian. He doesn’t have any other advice for you. “We’re not in high demand.”
4. Lacrosse players should cool it with their “hoverboards.” This is where it ends, guys.
5. It’s time to change our registration name. ISIS is no longer acceptable for obvious reasons.
Thanks John. You were wonderful. We hope your wife didn’t find out you smoked a cigarette while you were gone.
Photo: Culture.org