We’ve all been a victim of this. You have an exam tomorrow, two projects due Thursday, eight papers due next week, and thirty midterms on the same Saturday (how?). All we need is a nice comfy seat at a table in the reading room to be able to get some work done, and maybe fantasize about hanging ourselves from one of the chandeliers.
Unfortunately, you can’t do that. You walk into the reading room and burst into tears when you see that there are no seats available, even though the entire room is empty. The only signs that humans ever existed are what they left behind at each chair: a single tissue and maybe an empty water bottle. There’s dust everywhere and even tumbleweed rolling by, and you need to sit in one of the couches like a peasant until one of those horrid people decides to return from their “coffee break.”
But, maybe we’re being too harsh. You might have harmed others in this way, and not even realized it. Check out this list, and if you’re guilty of any of these, you’re probably one of those assholes from the reading room.
- You love telling everyone within earshot that you thought your Linear Algebra midterm was easy.
- You’ve read one of my and Hollis’s articles and been legitimately offended by its contents.
- You’ve been known to murder baby goats.
- You agreed with the decision to take the sandwich station away from Levering.
- You’ve gone to UniMini at 3 am and not gotten mozz sticks.
- You’ve used the free condoms from the library.
- You love that Hopkins took away covered grades because who cares about other people’s needs?
- You think the Blue Jay statue outside the FFC was a good addition to campus.
- You worship Satan.
- You’re voting for Trump.
Bottom line: you suck.