I feel like I need to start this article off by saying that I understand I was privileged to be considered a “gifted kid.” I was offered experiences and opportunities that many of my classmates didn’t receive, and I will always appreciate those experiences. However, being a “gifted kid” ruined my mindset academically and is something that I still struggle with to this day. This is a real phenomenon, coined “Gifted Kid Syndrome” or “Gifted Kid Burnout,” and it is brutal.
Being in the Gifted Program required fairly intensive testing as a child. From kindergarten to third grade, I was pulled out of my class in elementary school to do a wild amount of tests. No matter how many times I failed the tests, the coordinators would still pull me out of my regular class for Gifted classes. It wasn’t until third grade that I was “officially” accepted as part of the Gifted Program, but even then things didn’t get easier.
The Gifted Program in elementary school wasn’t too difficult. I was pulled out of class for maybe an hour once a week to do some alternative assignments. But half of the time we played games instead (I got very good at mancala), and I thought that’s what Gifted was. In middle school and high school, though, being Gifted meant harder classes. For example, being part of the International Baccalaureate (IB) program came with its own struggles. I struggled with the heavier workload and the difficult classes, but was able to succeed and go to college because of how insulated and structured everything was.
College was where things slowly began to unravel for me. I didn’t know how to do things like effectively study or balance my coursework with other things in my life. I was struggling, and when my grades slipped below the As and Bs I was used to, I fell apart. While my high school classes had been hard, I had always performed well in them, and often without trying too hard. This sudden downfall stressed me out beyond belief. To compensate, I tried to amp things up, to force myself back to where I thought I was expected to be. Instead, I just felt like I was suffocating. My whole life I had been told that I was smart, that college would be a breeze, and on a few occasions that I was “perfect.” Falling short of this perfection was upsetting, and the more I tried to be “perfect” the further I fell. And the further I fell, the worse I felt. In my mind I was failing not only myself, but the people who I knew believed in me. I had never been taught how to fail, only how to succeed. So, sitting there trying to deal with failure on my own devastated me. My self-worth had become so deeply intertwined with my success and the academic validation I received from my time in the Gifted Program that being stripped of it made me feel worthless. It wouldn’t be until my sophomore year that I truly learned how to cope with the burnout that comes when you lose academic validation.
Learning to take time for yourself and detach from academics is painful. The guilt that comes from doing something for you rather than slaving over your laptop on an assignment that isn’t due for months is awful. The first few times you choose yourself over your academics, you guilt will threaten to eat you alive. But slowly, it starts to get easier. After a while, the guilt starts to ease. I was able to say “yes” to things without it eating away at me. This also allowed me to work on my time management and prioritization skills, as I began planning designated times to do assignments and designated times to step away from all things school-related. Sometimes I still feel guilty, but I have to remember that self-care isn’t selfish. Recovering from Gifted Kid Burnout is difficult. But slowly and steadily, it does get better.