Coming to college can be very difficult in the friend department. If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of friends from home and then you came to college and all of a sudden had a plethora of new relationships to nourish and grow! While my friends are my favorite people in my life, sometimes it can be draining trying to maintain friendships with everyone. In order to salvage these relationships, honesty is the best policy. Setting boundaries is important for both parties, but when it comes to friends it can sometimes feel awkward or uncomfortable. In order to counteract this, I listed some ways that you can address specific problems to ensure that your friendships stay healthy (and it doesn’t have to be awkward!)
- They shouldn’t be the only ones sharing
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For a lot of people, friends seem to be one of the most popular avenues to vent and share emotional grievances with. However, this great safe-space can sometimes take a turn into a more toxic environment. Many times I have found myself in a one-sided friendship where I only listen to their problems and never got to share my own. It can become draining to constantly give the same person advice, only for them to not take it or give me any space to talk about myself! Ways to bring this issue up could include saying “I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time, but I’m just not in the headspace to hear this right now. Maybe we can talk another time.” or “Is it ok if I share about myself today, I’m having a really hard time right now.” If they still don’t give you the time, then it may be time to move on.
- you can have other friends too
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In some friendships, people can get territorial. If someone starts to control your time and get angry when you see friends other than them that is a red flag. You have a right to your own time, no one else should be able to tell you what you can and can’t do in your free time. Another red flag related to this has to do with sharing your location. A lot of us girls share our location with our friends to ensure that each of us arrives home okay at night, but when someone oversteps that boundary and starts using your location for anything other than safety that is a bad sign. A good way to bring this one up might be “hey, it makes me uncomfortable when people can see my location so I’m going to stop sharing it for a while.” If they are trying to control which how you spend your time , it might be helpful to say “I’m at a place where I need space right now, I can make plans to hangout with you in a couple of weeks that way we will both have time to see some other friends as well!”
- Relationships should be a balance
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The bottom line is, all relationships should be a balance! Neither party needs to be pouring all of their energy into one singular friendship, so it’s important to have open communication about what behaviors both of you are comfortable with. Standing up for yourself can feel scary or awkward and of course no one likes confrontation but your mental health is of the utmost importance! Some quick tips to remember when confronting someone about boundaries are: make compromises, make sure your statements are centered around how you are feeling/your personal needs, and make it clear that you value the friendship!