I’ll be honest… those college commitment posts popping up on my Instagram explore page from current seniors that I went to high school with? They’ve been making me a little emotional. It’s crazy to think that a year ago, I was in their shoes, trying to imagine what my life would look like in a completely new place, surrounded by people I hadn’t met yet.
With commitment season in full swing again, I know there are a lot of nerves floating around. Everyone’s asking the same questions: What if I don’t make friends? What if I pick the wrong school? What if I don’t figure it out fast enough? Going away to college was a huge transition, and I remember how overwhelming it felt to leave everything familiar behind. I was scared about the big stuff, like finding my people and adjusting to a new environment, and even more scared about the small stuff, like figuring out how to register for classes or getting across campus without Apple Maps.
During my senior year, I soaked up all the advice I could get from people already in college. And to be fair, a lot of it was helpful. But now that I’m almost done with my first year, I’ve realized that some of the most important lessons weren’t the ones I expected. They weren’t always about academics or time management, though those matter too! They were about growing into myself, learning to be okay with not having it all figured out, and letting the experience be messy and meaningful at the same time.
So here’s what I’d tell my younger friends who are about to start this chapter. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t, but know that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. It’s big, exciting, and yes, it’s going to be okay.
It’s okay if you don’t find your people or your place right away
Going into college, the thing that I was most anxious about was making friends. I saw so many people during welcome week walking around with huge friend groups, wondering what I was doing wrong. The truth is, it takes time. You’re not behind if you don’t have a friend group in week one. I did end up forming a friend group in the first month of school, but that didn’t even last. Eventually, I made a new one, which has been going strong for a while! Stay open, because your people will show up when and where you least expect it.
Everyone feels awkward at first — talk to people anyway
It’s easy to let intrusive thoughts get to you when it comes to making friends. I remember sitting next to people in class or seeing people alone at welcome week events and thinking a range of things… Should I say hi? What if they think I’m weird? What if I say something awkward? I had to start reminding myself that literally everyone is in the same position: new to the school, and probably just as anxious as me. Be bold. Say hi in class, ask to grab food, DM that mutual. It’s totally okay; most friendships start with one awkward convo.
Say yes (but also know it’s okay to say no)
I’ve always lived by the value of never underestimating the power of the word “yes.” If there is an event that you’re curious about during welcome week, or a club that you might be interested in, try it out! When you say yes to weird, fun, or new things, you’ll make memories, and maybe even find something you like. I made some of my favorite memories during all of the welcome week events. I made a conscious effort not to skip those because I knew I would regret it if I did.
You don’t have to go out to have fun
This is coming to someone who goes to a big party school. Going out can be fun, but it isn’t for everyone. Honestly, I went to the frats on my first night after being moved in and decided it wasn’t for me. I ended up finding alternatives to going out, as well as people who didn’t like going out much either. Some of the best nights with my friend group have been spent playing games, watching movies, or just chatting for hours. I’ve only gone out a handful of times, and there isn’t as much stigma surrounding it as you might think!
Let yourself be weird
One of the things that I was most excited about before going to college was that I would have the freedom to be myself. High school felt like a weird social hierarchy, where everyone was in each other’s business and constantly worried about what other people were doing. In college, nobody cares what you do. Join the niche club, and go all in on the themed party. College is the perfect time to stop worrying about being “cool,” because nobody truly cares.
Don’t compare your experience to everyone else’s
Something else I live by is that comparison is the thief of joy. It’s easy to look at your peers, and even people on social media, and wonder if you’re doing something wrong. There isn’t one “true” college experience; it can be what you want it to be, and what you end up making it. Just stay true to yourself and live your own beautiful life!
It’s Okay to be alone sometimes
I’ve heard so many people express how embarrassed they are to do things alone on campus. It was weird for me at first, but then I adjusted to it as time went on. I realized that there would inevitably be times when my friends wouldn’t be available to do things, or I’d have to do things for myself. Now, I enjoy my own company when nobody is around. It’s okay to go to the dining hall solo, study on the lawn, and go to the gym by yourself. Being alone sometimes is also great for building your independence.
Take care of your body and your brain
I feel it is so essential to stress the importance of taking care of yourself in all aspects when it comes to college. It’s easy to get caught up and stop doing so without realizing it. Make sure that you are managing your time well so that you can love yourself a little more. Carve out time to sleep well, go outside or to the gym, and get help when you need it. Also, make sure you eat real food! At some schools, it can be difficult to find nutritional options, but always make sure you at least look for them. Mental health is so important too, so use the free mental health and wellness resources that you have at your fingertips. (Counseling, fitness classes, free events, tutoring. You’re paying for it, so use it!)
Talk to your professors
Everyone says this, but only because it’s so important! Your professors — most of them— aren’t out to get you, even if they might seem intimidating in class. The truth is, they’re human, and they work at the school to help. Go to office hours. Talk to them like real people. You’ll get more out of your classes if you know them a little more personally. When it comes to your major-specific classes, this is way more important, because those professors could hook you up with internships. If you don’t feel that your professor is teaching in a way that benefits you, use tutoring services. Take charge of the education that you are paying for, no matter what it takes.
You’re allowed to change your mind
There’s a super annoying mental stigma that college brings about that you have to have it all figured out, but you’re not supposed to have it all figured out. You can change your major, find new friends, and set new goals. It’s never too late to try new things, especially in college, the last step before entering the career world. If something doesn’t feel right or is missing, you should look into it and make the necessary changes. College is for discovery if not anything else.
At the end of the day, there’s no one “right” way to do college. You’ll have high highs and probably a few messy lows, but that’s all part of the experience. The main theme behind all this advice is to stay open to change, new people, and the idea that things might not go how you planned… and that might end up being a good thing!
You don’t have to have everything figured out right away; no one does. And honestly? That’s what makes this time in your life so exciting. So take a deep breath, trust yourself, and get ready. College is going to be a wild ride. It’ll be hard at times, sure, but it will also shape you in the best ways that you never could have imagined.
And you’re going to be just fine.