As a hopeless romantic, I love talking about crushes — whether they’re mine or my friends’ — and playing matchmaker for people I think would make the cutest couples. Love is such a beautiful thing, and I genuinely hope everyone gets to experience it in a positive way at least once in their life.
That being said, I’m not putting romance on a pedestal just because I love the idea of it. I’ve had my fair share of negative experiences too — because like anything else, love comes with both pros and cons. People naturally have preferences, whether it’s about looks or personality, and that’s totally fine. But it becomes a problem when those preferences are rooted in stereotypes, especially about marginalized groups.
Unfortunately, I’ve personally dealt with this in dating, and I know so many other women of color have too. So in this article, I’m finally calling out the disrespectful, cringe-worthy men who keep pushing these stereotypes — and breaking down the real harm they cause.
Let me give you a little background on my dating history — I’ve only dated a handful of guys in my 19 years on this Earth, and out of all of them, only one didn’t make my ethnicity a topic of attraction. The rest? Yeah… they wouldn’t let me hear the end of it. And if you’re guessing they were white, ding ding ding, you’re right.
Because of this, I started feeling weird — almost embarrassed — about bringing up my Latinidad around guys I was interested in. The last thing I wanted was to hear, “Oh nice, I love a spicy Latina” or “Are you as toxic as they say?” Like, seriously? It might not seem like a big deal to some, but nothing fires me up more than those tired, harmful stereotypes.
TV and movies just won’t let go of their outdated Latina stereotypes, making us seem more “desirable” to audiences while piling on unrealistic expectations. Take Modern Family, for example — Gloria, the only Latina main character, is written to fit the typical mold: loud, “crazy,” and jealous. It’s frustrating how often media pushes this narrative.
Personally, I hate being put in a box. It’s exhausting when people assume I’m toxic, jealous, obsessive, or crazy just because of my ethnicity. And honestly? I shouldn’t have to constantly prove that I’m not.
The effect these generalizations have on dating is bigger than most people realize. They make Latinas feel like their ethnicity is the most interesting thing about them — which, don’t get me wrong, is amazing — but there’s so much more to us beyond just the physical. On top of that, these stereotypes create unfair expectations before we even meet someone, potentially getting in the way of what could have been a great relationship.
Ultimately, stereotypes have lasting effects and can be harmful to everyone involved. In the end, every individual is unique with their own traits, so there’s no need for prejudice. Regardless of ethnicity, everyone deserves love and happiness.