Ah good ol’ social media…
It has its perks, and it has its drawbacks….
It can be both your best friend, and your worst enemy….
Social media seems to be a topic that has been talked about to death. It seems to be on everyone’s mind and everyone has an opinion on it nowadays. There’s no escaping the massive impact social media and rise of the digital age has had in shaping our world today. If you grew up in the early 2000s, like me, you probably can’t remember a time without it. Our lives as members of Gen-Z have been so characterised by growing up alongside the emergence of smart phones and social media, that it all seems second nature to us now. We pretty much breathe in likes, followers and comments, as if they are pumping through our very veins.
Whether that’s entirely a good or bad thing is a matter of subjective opinion. Needless to say, there have been countless scientific studies, highlighting both the benefits and dangers of using social media, as well the long term impact this has had on the neurotransmissions in our brain.
As of right now and you reading this, I only exist as these small letters on a webpage. I am likely to be a complete stranger to you, and proabably live half way across the world. So I’m not about to sit here and lecture you on what to do and how to live your life! Instead, I would like to share my own personal journey of learning to manage my relationship with social media with you all, and why I decided I had to quit.
Ok so about 5 years ago, I used to be addicted to social media. And I mean addicted.
My love/hate relationship with social media mainly began with Instagram. I downloaded it thinking it would be a fun way to connect with friends. Before I knew it though, I was mindlessly scrolling through my feed for hours on end. It was the first thing I saw when I woke up, and the last thing I saw before I went to bed. This might be fine for some people, because I know everyone’s relationship with social media is different and we all have different levels of sensitivity or tolerance to it. But for me, social media had become an unhealthy addiction.
- I had more time on my hands
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Once I quit social media for good, I realised just how much more time I had on my hands. Instead of wasting hours upon hours glued to my phone, I had way more time to do the things I actually wanted to do. Whether that be reading a good book, getting some fresh air, or catching up with friends in person. I know it sounds really obvious and some people might just say ‘why can’t you just limit your time on social media? don’t you have any self control’ but honestly, it’s easier said than done.
You see, social media apps are designed to keep you hooked on it. Everything from the way the notifications pop up on your screen, to the positive sounds that reinforce and reward user usage. All of these clever tactics are specifically designed by a marketing team to send a rush of dopamine into your brain so that you simply can’t resist being on the app. That’s why its so difficult to get off social media and your brain keeps coming back to it for more. But again once I had quit, I felt the shackles weighing me down break. Instead of being tied to the rush I recieved from notifications of likes, comments and follows, I could spend my time recieving real dopamine from things that actually mattered to me – in real life.
- I felt more connected to my friends and the world around me
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One of the biggest factors which stopped me from logging off from social media sooner was the mere fear that I would no longer be ‘in the loop.’ (An online equivalent to ‘FOMO’ if you’d like!) In reality, quitting social media actually allowed me to have more time for friends and keeping up to date with the news and global affairs. Ironically, I have felt more connected to my friends and the world around me than ever before. Again, this is because I could actually enjoy being with my friends in real life, without having to post about it online.
I also found that sometimes an overload of constant information can be deterimental to conversations. Instead, I found I actually had more to talk about with my friends and family, because I could actually ask them about their day rather than just liking their photo or watching their story. I could have more heartfelt and genuine conversations this way also.
The superficial friendships I had become accustomed to online no longer mattered to me and the relationships I had in real life became more meaningful, because I had to actually work to maintain them. I began to realise that being “connected” doesn’t come from having thousands of online followers and friends. But in actual fact, just having a few friends in real life is more far more fulfilling and worthwhile. After all, its Quality, not Quantity.
- I was happier and healthier
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The first thing that really struck me after quitting social media was how my mental health immediately improved. As a person who deeply cares and values what other people think about me, I felt so free to not constantly have to worry about others peoples perceptions of me online. I no longer felt tied to the toxic pressure to regulate and control “my social image.”
Its frankly messed up that we even try to measure our self worth by the number of likes and follows we recieve. If you have seen the Black Mirror episode ‘Nosedive’, you would have seen this idea placed on steriods and taken to the highest extreme. Yet everyday, I feel we are slipping closer to this dystopian reality. In fact, in places like China today, social media ratings are starting to impact people’s opportunities for jobs, travel and lifestyle. Just imagine if this became a worldwide phenomenon. *shudders*
Distancing myself from social media saved me from experiencing that awful moment when you see all your “friends” hanging out together in a post having a supposedly great time, without you. Having the information that you weren’t invited to attend a party or event can be soul crushing and for the insecure teenager which I was, I took this as confirmation for every horrible thing I thought about myself. :/
Another unhealthy thing that I found out about social media was the fact that it was so easy to compare your life to someone else’s with simply the press of a few buttons. Gathering ammunition for self sabotage and self destruction was only a few clicks away. As a perfectionist, I could readily hold myself to the most unrealistic standards for life, by viewing the profiles of my friends or celebs I admire. The more happy and popular they looked in their pictures only served to renforce my own insecurities about being so miserable and lonely.
It reminds me of this quote: “Don’t compare your behind the scenes, with someone else’s highlight reel.”
It’s so easy for someone to post a picture perfect photo of themselves and fool the world into believing they are super happy and successful. In reality, that person could be far from that ideal. At the end of the da,y we only get to see a small snapshot of their lives and its not fair to compare our seemingly mundane moments to their manufacted spotlight.
- I felt more mindful & present in nature
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Never before have I felt more present and in the moment than in a life without social media. I started to notice and appreciate the little things in my life a lot more. From taking in the breathaking beauty of nature, to noticing the little curl of the lips on someone’s face as they begin to smile, it’s these small, lovely things that I was completelty missing out on before. I want to be able to enjoy that without being distracted by my phone. Before, I couldn’t enjoy nature, food or just being with friends anymore, because I felt pressured to take a picture for my feed. I ended up ruining so many valuable moments by viewing life through a lens rather than my own two eyes.
It reminds me of the most beautiful scene in the film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty when this legendary photographer says the following:
‘If I like a moment, I mean me personally, I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it. Right there. Right here.’
Here is the full scene from the film if you want to see the full context. It’s a brilliant film and I would HIGHLY recommend you watch it if you haven’t already, because it really does encapsulate this feeling about living in the moment. On the topic of entertainment… also watch the ‘Aggrestuko – Christmas Special’ episode on Netflix because it pretty much sums up my feelings on this topic.
Not being on social media has additionally meant that I had less excuses for procastinating. I was no longer tempted by notifications to check my messages or see what new posts were up. Instead, I could focus solely on my academic studies and looking back on it all now, I’m so glad I did because that’s honestly what partly got me through my exams.
- I began living just for me!
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I realised my entire life before was revolved around social media. It had got to the point where eI felt pressured to capture everything I did and put it online. What’s the point in going somewhere cool, or doing something fun, or experiencing something awesome – if I don’t post a picture of it? It’s like life was not worth living if I didn’t share it with the entire world and let them in on how amazing the life I was faking was. I know it sounds sad but I ended up wasting so much of my time and energy trying to find the right angle or lighting on my camera, just to impress a bunch of people I didn’t really care about online, rather than just appreciating the friends or family I was spending time with in real life. I felt like I wasn’t really living for the sake of living before, but instead I was living for the sake of looking for approval from others.
And I think that this is a very real problem that most people face when it comes to social media, because it doesn’t matter how detached you think you are from looking for validation from others, everyone is impacted by it in some way. We all secretly care about what people think of us, otherwise why would we bother posting in the first place? We’d be lying to ourselves if we say we only use social media for ourselves. Everything we post, whether we are self-aware of it not, is because we are trying to convey a certain image of ourselves to the world. For me, I realised that the sooner I accepted this reality, the sooner I could solve it.
Here’s how I personally solved my problem
First I quit social media. Logged off. Disabled accounts. Deleted the apps. I basically needed it out of reach and out of mind. Yes, at first I felt a little bit jittery and found myself going back to my phone, time and time again, before realising what I was looking for was gone.
Then, I began to live. I began to experience life again in the real world and I tried to spend as little time on my phone as possible. Other than texting my friends or internet surfing, I tried to spend more time in nature or doing something more productive.
One of the issues I had though was the fact that I still very much loved photography. Not even just for the aesthetic but casual photography. I realised I liked being able to save moments and look back on them and reminisce. One of the things that attracted me so much about Instagram is how you could record all your favourite moments in life in one place.
So my alternative for this was to instead buy myself a real, physical scrapbook. Now whenever there is a precious moment that I’d like to keep and remember forever, I use my polaroid camera or my phone and get it printed to place it inside my little scrapbook. This has helped me so, so much, because I love being able to flick through my scrapbook and relive all these lovely memories again and again. There is something so satisfying and sentimental about having a physical book that I can hold in my hands and will last forever that makes me feel so happy. Now, I can live for myself and make memories for the sake of making them, not just to showcase them to people on the internet!
So, social media….No matter if you love it or hate it, its important to set healthy boundaries with it. For me, this meant cutting it cold-turkey from my life. But I understand for others this may not be the way. Instead, monitoring your usage and evaluating what works best for you and your mental health is key. In an age where technology is taking over… we need to be more aware and in tune with how we consume social media than ever before, and in turn, how we let it consume our lives.
