To Hibernate Is To Heal

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that is influenced by the changing of the seasons. While it is not fully understood yet, I personally understand it to be the bane of my existence. Despite this, years of feeling as though my being is ruled almost entirely by the weather has enabled me to develop strategies in combatting the low mood and lethargy that SAD can elicit, along with the help of medical professionals. 

The main theory surrounding SAD is that the hypothalamus (the ‘coordination centre’ of the brain) is unable to function properly due to a lack of sunlight. This impacts the production of both serotonin (a decrease in the production of this hormone may lead to depression) and melatonin (production increases, often resulting in feelings of sluggishness and lethargy). It can also play a large role in disturbing the internal body clock. Unsurprisingly, such disruptions to an established routine can have detrimental impacts on day-to-day living, and this is even before we consider how depressing cold and dark scenery can be anyway! 

For longer than I’d care to admit, I was unable to identify how crucial the impact of sunlight was on me due to suffering from depression generally all year round. However, in recent years it feels as though this constant low mood has been compressed into 3-4 long, heavy months. Initially, recognising this pattern only led to a further sense of hopelessness, as my quest for internal chemical balance seemed as though it would be an endless struggle. However, upon speaking to both my therapist at the time and my GP, I realised this compactness could actually be hugely beneficial in comprehending my own emotions and the patterns that they form. Finally, it was as though I had a reference point for comparison, and could better understand how to take care of myself during these low points.

This year, moving to London for university meant that I was mostly left to my own devices in navigating these winter months. Though my mum is only a phone call away, and my darling boyfriend has very fortunately moved to London at a similar time as me, I feel uncharacteristically positive about handling my emotions on my own this time. My secret weapon in this – a lightbox that mimics sunlight so precisely I feel like I’m photosynthesising. I have this on in the background constantly, at all times of the day; it is truly invaluable. It is crucial, however, that you research your chosen box thoroughly before purchasing, as it needs to be very accurate in its light-emitting. Here is a useful article on all things lightbox.

Besides artificial sunlight, I try to go on at least one ‘mental health walk’ per day throughout this period. Since moving to London, I frequent the bridges and riverside at sunset and attempt to soak up my surroundings with gratitude, if only for 20 minutes a day. But if I am finding it near impossible to get out of bed one morning, (or afternoon for that matter), instead of beating myself up about it, I will permit myself to stay, compromising that I will at least watch a film I’ve been recommended or read some more of my current book. 

If you suffer from SAD, or just find these colder, darker months more difficult, just know that you are not alone. While London may be filled with luminous buildings and ceaseless bustle, it is completely natural to want to go into hibernation when it gets dark at 4:00pm. Don’t be afraid to give yourself grace and permit yourself more time to rest and recuperate. Perhaps most importantly, don’t be afraid to explore new ways to make yourself feel a little more alive during the darker days. A lightbox and a structured routine have helped me enormously, and there are plenty of things out there that will help you, too.  

• sad
• wellness
• winter