Now that I am about to enter my very last year of undergrad, I have so many mixed feelings. Everything else in my life was planned. I knew I was going to Kindergarten, then elementary school, then middle school, then high school, and then college. However, now it’s up to me to decide what I want to do with my life. I don’t know if I want to go to grad school, just take time off to figure out what I truly want to do with my life or if I want to go into the workforce. Getting ready to embark on my final two semesters is truly scary, but it has allowed me to reflect on the past few years. I am full of mixed feelings because even though I am excited to see what life holds for me, I also don’t feel like I accomplished enough during the past few years.
I entered college in a pre-pandemic world, and now my college career is ending in a world I don’t recognize. When I moved into my dorm room, it felt like endless opportunities and that the world was my oyster. I felt like I had so much time to do everything. So much so that freshman year, my friends and I continuously said, “Well, we’ll do that next year,” or “We have time to do that later.”
Little did we know that our freshman year would be cut short, and all these opportunities that we put off for sophomore year would not even be available. Even though I had the time of my life freshman year, I missed out on so much because of the anxiety I had about meeting new people and doing new things. I was also super complacent.
If I could go back in time, I’d tell my younger self to put herself out there, and there’s nothing to be afraid of. I was afraid of making new friends, so I stuck around a lot of the people from my hometown. Even though it felt like it was a good option for me at the time, it truly hindered me because nothing lasts forever. I had a huge group of friends my freshman year, and by the end of sophomore year, it was just me and one other friend still standing. If I could give any advice to incoming or current college freshmen, it would be to branch out. You come to college to meet different people from different backgrounds, not to stay around the same people.
As a result of this, I have so many regrets about my time in college. Some of them are my own fault, and others are because of things I could not control. By now, I planned to have an internship after each year of college, and the pandemic ruined that freshman year, and I broke my foot right before the summer of the sophomore year began. I also planned to have a huge group of friends and be on the executive clubs of so many clubs. The issue with that is I just stopped trying. I gave up. A lot of people don’t talk about how hard it is to do these things and then, on top of that, try to do it in a pandemic. A lot of people try to ignore the fact that things are so much harder to do in a pandemic, but I think it is an important discussion to have.
At one point, I did not want to leave the safe cocoon of college life. I almost decided to extend my time in college an extra semester. I was at a complete tug of war because, on one side, I felt like I had not done enough and that I needed more time to check everything off my list. On the other hand, I stand by the belief that everything happens for a reason. I came to college to get my degree, and even though my path does not look like everyone else’s, it’s mine. I have become content with my college career, and I hope that more opportunities will become available to me during this final year. Even though I am afraid of ending my college career and moving on to the next stage, I can only be hopeful for what the next chapter of my life will bring.
