Actively building self-love within yourself can be challenging. There are so many aspects to it that make it a complex process. Most people haven’t realized that the level of contentment they are longing for can be achieved by possessing a deep love for themselves. Seems too good to be true, huh? Well it’s not. :)
You’ve made it to the last step on how to start your journey to self-love! If you haven’t already, I recommend reading steps one and two of this series that are linked below. In both articles, I touch on how to first self-detox in order to work on self-discovery. I believe these steps are crucial for one to heal and discover who they really are.
The last step in this process is probably the hardest to practice. At least for me it is. However, in a way, it’s the most important. Especially when it comes to keeping the momentum of your healing process. For the last step, if you don’t continuously show self-kindness, you’ll be lost. The first two steps, self-detox and self-discovery, are the launching pads to start showing yourself kindness. So when you don’t religiously intervene your self-criticism with self-kindness, all you do is take steps backwards.
Self-kindness
So what does self-kindness mean? We are so quick to think the worst of ourselves when something doesn’t go right in our lives. Whether something was our fault or it was out of our control, there’s a difference between taking accountability for our actions and being destructive. When we are in constant self-blame and self-ridicule, we destroy our self-love. Being kind to ourselves allows us to recognize the human condition and that it’s okay to mess up if we’ve done so or feel upset in a situation. So how do we fix it? I’ve simplified three steps for you to take in order to start actively practicing self-kindness.
- Think happy thoughts
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When going through a difficult time in your life, it’s easy to brush aside your emotions about the situation at hand and think things like: “there are people who’ve gone through worse” or “you’re fine, don’t be sensitive.” Sound familiar? Now I know these phrases seemingly help push you through the pain in the short term. However, in the long term, I can guarantee you… not so much. Slowly but surely you subconsciously suppress your emotions, ability to process and heal, and in turn, diminish your self-love.
When you feel a negative emotion, whether it be sadness or anger, instead of invalidating yourself, try to do the opposite. In today’s world, it’s normal to tell yourself to toughen up and not be upset. But, that’s not the reality of the situation. You are upset and that’s okay. Validate it, and then take the necessary steps to move on or make the situation better. Don’t push down your emotions and try to act like nothing’s wrong. When you do that, all you do is cope in the moment, not heal. The pain will eventually catch up to you because it wasn’t dealt with accordingly.
To avoid talking down to yourself, try telling yourself either in your head or in a mirror things like: “it’s okay that I’m upset,” “I’ll get through this in my own time,” and “I am valid for feeling like this based on my past and present experiences.” You can also write phrases like this on post-its to stick on mirrors or walls to visually remind you that you are human and that it’s okay to acknowledge your pain.
- take the steps to heal alone
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In step two I brushed over the topic of partaking in therapy to heal. While that can be beneficial, I wouldn’t say it is the sole solution. I think it’s important to do self-work alone because it is a form of self-kindness. You’re showing yourself love by choosing to work through your issues instead of ignoring them. Types of self-work can look like purchasing self-love books, mental health workbooks, or simply just journaling to help process your thoughts and emotions. You’d be surprised at the mental progress you can make by setting time aside while you invest the proper time healing and working on yourself.
- strive for your passions
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Last but certainly not least, strive for your passions. Let yourself be happy while doing what you love. For me, writing my music is therapeutic and brings me joy. It’s both my outlet and my passion which waters the seed in me to grow my self-love. It’s important to take time for yourself and focus on what you like to do and what brings you happiness. Give yourself a break from the negativity of the world. Give yourself a break from digging into your traumas and issues. Enjoying what life has to offer is also a part of the healing process.
That’s a wrap! Thank you so much for reading my articles on how to start your journey to self-love for 2022 and beyond. I hope it brought you clarity and understanding. I want to preface that healing and building self-love is a complex process that takes time. Doing these steps is the start of you becoming your strongest and most authentic self. I wish you well on your self-love journey and hope you find peace. Take care. :)