1. I’m blessed because my parents have HBO.
2. I’m even more blessed because I took control of the HBO Go account.
3. Okay. I found Lemonade. I’m ready.
4. Oh wow.
5. This is so ~artsy~.
6. Alright, Beyoncé is literally wearing a zip-up hoodie and she looks better than I ever will.
7. Her voice is so soothing.
8. Beyoncé could make an album of her reciting the dictionary and I’d still listen to it.
9. You can taste the dishonesty?
10. HOLD UP. *sips tea*
11. Who’s dishonest? JAY?!
12. How does her hair still look flawless while she’s under water?
13. YES. OPEN THOSE DOORS, BEY.
14. Oh my God. I’m so invested in this.
15. *giggles uncontrollably from excitement*
16. Oh God, why do you have that bat?
17. If Beyoncé smashed my car with a bat I mean, yeah, I’d be upset. I’m sure someone would buy a car advertised as “Beaten by Beyoncé,” though.
18. Wait, Beyoncé wants to wear a girl’s skin over hers?
19. HER TEETH AS CONFETTI?
20. I can’t look away.
21. If someone said they wanted to use my sternum as a bedazzled cane, I’d be a little concerned.
22. I feel like Beyoncé can do whatever she wants though, so I’m okay with this.
23. “You ain’t married to no average bitch boy.” WOW.
24. I wonder what Jay Z is doing right now.
25. He’s probably hiding.
26. This song makes me want to punch my boyfriend in the face. I don’t even have a boyfriend.
27. DID YOU JUST SAY YOU’RE GONNA LOSE YOUR WIFE? SHE DID! SHE REALLY DID.
28. I have SO much life in me right now.
29. If Beyoncé can be cheated on, there’s no hope for us mere peasants.
30. She even makes public transportation look flawless.
31. “Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks.” –every girl’s Instagram caption. I can see it now.
32. Don’t be sorry, Beyoncé. I’m not sorry either.
33. SHE JUST SAID, “SUCK ON MY BALLS”. So simple, yet so effective.
34. Wait. You regret the night you put your ring on? Oh my god.
35. STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC. TELL ME WHO BECKY IS.
36. Okay, did no one else see Obsessed where Beyoncé LITERALLY MOPPED THE FLOOR WITH A SIDE CHICK?!
37. Ugh, that movie is so underrated.
38. Oh, this bass is good.
39. I can feel this in my ribs, that’s how good it is.
40. Nobody told me The Weeknd was in this, and I’m trying to stay as calm as possible. I’m internally screaming.
41. This is very red and ominous. I’m in a lot of suspense here.
42. Alright, “6 Inch” is my song now. It’s been decided.
43. I feel like I’ve been transported to New Orleans.
44. I should probably call my dad.
45. My dad does love Beyoncé.
46. I love Beyoncé.
47. Sandcastles is a beautiful song; I don’t care what anyone says.
48. Oh hey, there’s Jay Z. WAIT, WHAT?
49. Is that the kiss of death?
50. Well there’s a plot twist for you.
51. I’m getting so emotional.
52. FREEDOM.
53. Black and white makes everything so much more intense, you know?
54. This lemonade recipe calls for half a pound of sugar?
55. Are you trying to rot my teeth?
56. Sorry queen B. I’m sure it’s delightful. I repent. Please don’t swarm me bey hive.
57. Oh my gosh, this is so inspirational. Why am I getting emotional?
58. “True love never has to hide.” AWWW.
59. Home movies get me every time, what can I say?
60. LOOK AT JAY Z CHASING BLUE.
61. I don’t even know how to react to what I just saw.
62. Should I clap?
63. I’m in my room by myself, but I feel like I should clap.
64. THIS IS $17.99?!
65. Fine. FINE.
66. The after math of me watching Lemonade: