Talking stages are meant to be an enjoyable time filled with engaging, meaningful conversations with someone you are starting to like. So when things are not going the way you envisioned them to, and you don’t know what to do next, look for these seven red flags and make your next move accordingly.
They take an extended period of time to respond
It is completely understandable and normal for someone to be busy and not respond immediately to someone’s message, but in my opinion, if someone genuinely likes you, they will make time. Whether they are at work, out with their friends or with their family, it does not matter. They will make time for someone they are truly interested in, especially if it is simply a text back.
In the past, I have talked to people who have clearly not been as interested in me as I was in them, and one of my main signs was that they took very long to respond or would not at all. Even if they explain that they are busy and are still interested, words can only mean so much, and their actions go a long way.
Continue to talk to them if it happens a couple of times, but if they make you chase them, it’s time to find someone better.Â
They avoid personal topics
I have had talking stages where I discussed multiple personal issues with this person frequently, and we were able to have deep, meaningful conversations. I have also had talking stages where the person I am talking to did not want to engage in those conversations and would never talk about themselves or anything on a deeper level. It made me feel as if they did not want to get closer to me. It’s a valid feeling because how can you get to know someone better if they never talk about anything deeper than the surface?
They need to talk about themselves and be open to you, or else you will not be able to develop a stronger connection.
Maybe the person does not realize they are doing this, so you can always give them a bit more time to open up or communicate this with them. If they continue to not talk about personal things, that can be a serious problem.Â
They are not in tune with their emotions
This can mean a series of things, but mainly, what it means is that the person does not know how to properly express their emotions, which can lead to difficulties with responding to others around them.
For example, if someone you are talking to is also developing feelings for you but does not know how to express them, this can make you feel confused and hurt. You can even potentially believe they do not feel the same and are not interested. It is so important that someone you are having romantic relations with knows how they are feeling and knows how to communicate that, or the possibility of a potential relationship between the two of you will look bleak.
Fortunately, though, this is a bad habit that can be broken, and communication is key. Without any improvements in this department, though, things will only go downhill.Â
They take little to no interest in you or who you are
Imagine you are talking to someone you have a crush on, and you get so excited to talk to them. Whenever you hear the ding of your phone notifications, you get a bubbly feeling inside that that notification is the possibility of a text from this person. You go to open your phone, only to realize that it is them, but all they want to talk about is themselves and they seem to have no interest in you.
This can feel deflating because you want this person to care about who you are, and if they really did have similar feelings, the hard truth is that they would care. It does not matter what they tell you or gaslight you into thinking if all your conversations revolve around the other person and their life, hobbies and interests, run.
This isn’t a “simple fix” kind of habit, and you will only end up getting hurt in the end. Â
Inconsistent behavior
It’s a common situation to occur when someone you are talking with seems to really enjoy you. One day, they engage, show clear interest in what you are talking about, give you lots of time and attention and maybe even flirt a bit. Then, the sun goes down, the day ends and as the next morning arrives, their interest has completely flickered away.
Now, this person stops answering, claims they are busy, responds in short, has dry responses and does not return the same energy. It’s a typical “leading someone on” dilemma.
The bottom line is, talk to someone who acts like they care about you all the time, not just a few days out of the week. Your person will not make you wonder if they really like you or if they are just being friendly. They won’t behave kindly one second, and uncaring the next.
Give them another day or two to get their act together because maybe something is going on in their personal life but then after that, its time for a goodbye. Â
Speaks poorly about others
Everyone enjoys a good gossip session now and then, but when it comes to the person you might start a relationship with, you must be extra careful.
You can tell a lot about a person based on how they talk about others. If someone gossips and talks badly about other people all the time, the chances that they are truly insecure and a mean-spirited person are very high.
So, if the person you are interested in talks to you about someone they “hate,” or “how annoying this person was at work today,” or “how ugly my co-worker is,” maybe rethink how good of a person they actually are.
Now, I will agree; sometimes, people can be obnoxious and mess up my groove, so it’s completely normal to indulge in some venting occasionally. However, if every conversation is negative and centered around trashing others, that is not a good sign.
Leave before they get the chance to talk crap about you, too.Â
Things are moving too fast
In some cases, this is not a problem, but it could also be the main reason why a relationship ended. A “talking stage’s” whole point is simply to get to know each other better and see if you are a good enough fit to begin dating. It takes time for that, and if things are moving a bit too quickly for you, it’s okay to slam on the brakes.
Make sure you communicate and really know how you feel before jumping into anything. Also, if you feel pressured and/or anxious about anything at all, reevaluate your situation. Â
To wrap things up, some bad habits can be an easy fix, but others not so much. Remember, if you are settling for the bare minimum or feel as if you are not being treated properly, it’s not too late to back out with no strings attached because it is only a talking stage. If the person acts like this now, can you even imagine how they would behave in an actual relationship?Â