As a current study abroad student, I had to do a lot of planning and preparation for spending over four months in a completely different country. I had to start saving money, applying for my visa, doing research about life in Italy and a lot of talking with my therapist. My therapist and I had a lot of time to talk about all of the anxieties I had about leaving the country for school, but we ended up in a good spot before I left.
One major anxiety I had about studying abroad was my relationship with my boyfriend. My previous relationship left me with a lot of trust issues, anxieties and insecurities so leaving my current boyfriend behind for over four months was terrifying.
What if we grow apart? Are we going to have time to talk and spend time together? What if he cheats on me or leaves me? Are things going to be the same when I get back home? So many anxieties and what felt like so little time to address them all! Like I said, however, I worked through a lot of these issues and I felt confident when I left.
Here are a few tips and some advice I got to help with my long-distance relationship:
- Communication is Key
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Communication is everything when it comes to relationships in general, but specifically in long-distance relationships. We communicated and still actively talk about different aspects of our relationship very often.
Personally, I needed to hear a lot of reassurance and words of affirmation from him before I left and currently while I’m gone. Anytime I have anxiety and need reassurance about something, I make sure to communicate that need to him in order to feel reassurance. We talk about our schedules and when/if we will be able to talk a lot that day. We call each other all the time and I send him updates throughout the day while he’s sleeping so he can read about my day when he wakes up.Â
- Distance makes the heart grow fonder
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I know many of us have heard this phrase before and rolled our eyes, but personally, this has actually helped me quite a bit.
For my relationship personally, I went through some unfortunate events early on which led to us living together pretty early in our relationship. I can’t complain about it though because it was pure bliss and I really miss our nights together. That being said, we got extremely comfortable with each other and were almost co-dependent. He has supported me studying abroad since he first met me and wanted me to explore.
I was also extremely excited because this is forcing us to really grow individually. I have time to rediscover old and new passions, focus more on school, spend more time with my friends and make new ones and travel, obviously! He’s also been making big career changes and spending time with the people he cares about, so I feel amazing about the individual progress we have made.
I feel like our individual growth and development means we will come back even stronger and happier than before.Â
- Self-care
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Practicing different methods of self-care is really important to practice when you are abroad and in a long-distance relationship.
Before I left for Italy, my therapist and I would come up with different scenarios that would give me anxiety. He would ask me what specifically could bring up feelings of anxiety, what would go through my head and how I planned to deal with these potential feelings. Talking through these moments made them seem a lot less scary and made me feel more prepared to deal with them.
I have a “toolbox” of self-care techniques and coping skills I have developed over the years that make me feel prepared to tackle any negative thoughts that might come up.
Long-distance is hard on anyone no matter where you are in your relationship and mental health journey, but it is worth it all in the end. All of the tears and nerves disappear once you see your person again for the first time, at least that’s what I’ve heard! If it’s true, it’s a moment I cannot wait to experience.