I Went to a Male Strip Show and it was Awkward AF

Back in August, my friend Nina and I were talking about what we should do for our birthday. Mine is November 11 and hers’ is November 15. We wanted to do something memorable and exciting because it would be my last year celebrating my birthday in college. Nina mentioned that one of her coworkers went to a male strip club. We both grinned at each other and looked up shows in Ohio. We found the Men of Steel Revue in Cleveland. Their shows were every Saturday night, which so happened to be the day my birthday falls on. Plus, birthday girls get in for free. So, there was no doubt that we had to go. 

A few months later, I looked around the room as I adjusted my birthday girl sash and tiara. There was a bachelorette party dressed in matching baseball shirts and jeans drinking beer. Sitting across from us, was a group of girls who looked like they were still in high school. One of them was wearing a birthday sash. We made eye contact and told each other happy birthday. 

After a few minutes, the music died down and a short guy wearing grey sweatpants and a matching zip up hoodie walked into the crowd with a microphone.

“Keep up that energy, we see y’all dancing and having a good time,” he said. “How’s everyone doing tonight?” he pumped up the crowd. Everyone whooped and clapped their hands. “Before we get started I’m going to need everyone to take out their phones and change their relationship status on Facebook to ‘it’s complicated’ because here at the Men of Steel, you all are single for the night!” he said. The crowd hollered. “Tonight we’re going to take a ride together,” the guy got quieter. “You’re going to see a lot including some” he paused and slowly unzipped his jacket to reveal his six pack abs. The crowd cheered. “I go by the name of Abbz and before my first dancer Justin comes out, is there an Emily in the room?”

Abbz took an empty fold out chair and Emily sat down. 

Music started to play again and a tall white guy wearing a suit and a hat covering half his face, glided into the crowd and on stage.

He straddled Emily and rocked his hips as he shed his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt.

The crowd whooped even louder. “Justin, Justin, you can’t give it to her like that,” Abbz said.

Justin jumped off the stage and shyly tilted his head and hide his face with his hat.

“You have to show her how we really do it,” Abbz said.

Justin jumped back on stage and thrusted his pelvis in Emily’s face. He took off his belt and instructed Emily to stand up and bend herself over the chair. Justin opened Emily’s legs a letter wider and adjusted her position, taking time for his finger tips to graze her rear end.

He swung the belt over his head before spanking her.

Justin pulled Emily back into her seat and stripped down to a pair of grey boxer briefs and turned to the crowd.

Everyone held their breath in anticipation. He slowly pulled off his briefs to reveal a blue thong.

The crowd hollered even louder while Emily covered her mouth in surprise and shook her head laughing.  

Justin stood in front of her and made his butt cheeks jiggle. Nina and I looked at each other bewildered. Then, he dropped down into a pushup position with his legs on the wall and rubbed his junk on Emily’s lap while slapping his butt. Emily gasped again and tightly slapped his butt.

When the dance was over, Justin made his way through the crowd, dancing and grinding on ladies.

“Get ready, you’re next,” Nina smiled mischievously

I turned to her and chuckled shaking my head.

When I turned around, there he was.

Crouching in front of me was Justin.

He tilted his head shyly while his eyes remained locked on mine.

I looked around the room nervously.

“Hi?” I gave him a weak smile.

He looked at my sash and asked if it was my birthday and introduced himself.

We sat there looking at each other for a few seconds.

Ok, am I supposed to ask him how is his day is or something? I thought.

Justin inched closer to me.

“Don’t worry I’m a lot less scary than I look,” he smiled.

I smiled and nodded my head before he started straddling me. He ended up doing the same pushup position, slapping his butt cheek.

Nina looked at us with a huge smile on her face and slapped his butt cheek.

I  laughed and gently grabbed one of his cheeks and gave it a light smack.

As the night went on, I found that Justin’s little dance routine was mild compared to the others.

A guy with dreads shoved his head in between my legs and moved it back and forth to the music. Then, he got up and started pushing my head toward his crotch, almost making me knock my head against the wall.

By the end of the night, the place reeked of sweat and musty balls.

Nina and I left trying to hold back laughter. “Never again?” I asked. 

Nina shook her head, grinning. 

“Never,” she said.

• birthday
• cleveland
• stripper