Underneath the 45-60 minute process of applying the long list of one layer of foundation, one to two layers of concealer, a collection of a few different eyeliners, black mascara, chiseling contour, lip gloss, blush and a hint of highlighter, there is a face full of glowing red pimples, clogged pores and dry, flaky skin.
There is a slight darkness that lays under my eyes, a scar above my lip and a small mole dotted upon my left cheek. All features that make up a perfectly normal face. But what has become the new normal is the overwhelming urge to cover those up. I can admit that I am one of the many girls out there who are afraid of being seen without makeup. Who feels shame from it. Who avoids looking at themself in the mirror without it unless it’s to reapply it again?
So, how do we escape from this habit and insecurity?
I first started wearing makeup at just 13 years old. I had just gotten my first real boyfriend and wanted to look beautiful for him. I felt as though if I didn’t, eventually, he would look at me too closely one day and realize whatever he thought he saw before was never really there.
I started with some mascara in a little purple tube from the dollar store. I felt good when I wore it, so, naturally, I wanted to experiment with other makeup products. So, my next purchase was concealer. Except once I bought it, I realized I had no idea where to start. When searching for advice on YouTube, I came across videos of so many beautiful women telling me that I couldn’t even begin to think about putting on concealer until I used foundation, powder, primer or whatever else first. I quickly realized how much I had left to learn and wanted to know everything about it I could.
I kept buying more and more, and eventually, I started to buy more expensive products, with all the products for a full face easily costing me over $100 (which is still pretty low for makeup). I started wearing it daily, no matter what I had planned. I worked it into my daily routine and soon refused to be seen without it. And it felt so good.
Suddenly, I was the cool girl I always wanted to be. I wore dark, winged eyeliner (that I, admittedly, still wear often) and felt like all of the girls I saw on those same YouTube videos I had watched before. Suddenly, no one could call me ugly anymore. I felt like I had power. Because, unfortunately, people who meet society’s standards of beauty are treated better. People go out of their way to be kind to them, to befriend them, or even just to talk to them. And I soon discovered that pretty privilege really does exist.
Now, I am 19 and trying to change this habit that I formed so long ago. I still wear a full face of makeup almost every day. But when I wear it, I feel put-together and productive. It makes me feel good, and there is nothing wrong with that.
However, I am not afraid to be without it anymore either. I am no longer afraid to look in my mirror and see my scar, pores and acne. To see what I really look like. Because when I look at any person, I can see that their face tells a story. Their smile lines share their happiest memories, their eye bags share the story of their hard work and their scars share the story of their pain. Their eyes tell the story of their parents, their nose the story of their ancestors, and their wrinkles the story of their life. And each of these features that I so worry about is just the same, because they make up who I am.
So, the first step was learning to stop being so hard on myself. Despite knowing that other peoples’ flaws are what make them beautiful, I could not help but think that I was the only exception to this. I would never say the things that I have said to myself to other people; I would never say that their acne is disgusting because it is not. I realized that acne is beautiful because it is just another part of being human.
On the topic of flaws, I started to realize that half of the faces I was comparing myself to had flaws that had been made invisible. On TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat and every single social media website, I was constantly being exposed to faces with filters making people appear as though they had a perfectly clear face without a single pore. The constant exposure to this every time I opened an app on my phone was increasing my standards of what I should have looked like. It was difficult to realize this at first, but once I limited my exposure to this content, my perception of myself began to change drastically.
The point of this is not that you should not ever wear makeup because there is nothing wrong with it. It can be fun to wear makeup! But it is so important to recognize the beauty underneath it and to be able to be without it. Each insecurity, flaw or feature of each person is so beautiful and is what ultimately makes up who we are.
You are so incredibly beautiful. With or without makeup.
