I currently feel like I’m passing through college at the speed of light–faster than that scary sounding stomach virus I keep possibly diagnosing myself with after the Health Center’s email. I am constantly surprised at how quickly graduation looms in front of me. To use a bowling metaphor, (as all fine authors must) it feels like I just started adjusting to the independence of undergrad but know that soon I’m going to have to live life without the “bumpers.” Unfortunately, I think life without these bumpers of provided housing, food and activities my life might spiral down the same way my bowling score did.
As “real life” gets closer, the pressure to beef up my resume grows stronger and I find myself stressing about adding words like “associate” or “really awesome professional person” to the list. Because ‘tis the season for networking, sending those begging, polite emails and hating the friends that are proactive and already have summer plans, here are 3 internships I wish existed.
1. Working Craft Services for any Jennifer Lawrence productionCraft services are essentially the buffet set out for people on a set to snack on. It is a commonly known fact that actors cannot break the boundaries of performance theory without indulging in a little spinach dip every now and then! Most of the Internet has been taken over with proof that J-Law loves to eat. Not only would Jen know exactly which choices to make in case I got stuck, but she would also be totally willing to chat with me about life’s important questions like ways to stop one’s boobs from painfully bouncing when one is bra-less and has her hands filled with snacks.
2. Food taster for Ina GartenEveryone loves Ina’s Barefoot Contessa show because her meals are either filmed in warm colors with crackling fireplaces or breezy, bright spring afternoons with the windows open and the curtains wavin’ in the air like they just don’t care. Ina’s voice is a soothing middle point between an overly-happy-to-see-you-aunt and the sultry rasp of Emma Stone. Ina and her friends (usually an army of very well dressed older gay men) generally host parties for her husband, Jeffrey. It seems like Ina and Jeffrey have the strongest marriage because of how sporadically they see each other. With so much riding on that welcome home meal, Ina must have someone taste test. Imagine how rocky their relationship would be if Ina served Jeffrey over-salted gravy?! Not on my watch.
3. Be an understudy for a member of One DirectionAs part of my New Year’s Resolution to be more fun, (that a friend pointed out to me I have made at least a few years in a row) I have gotten super excited about One Direction these past couple months. I spent a sleepy snowy afternoon watching One Direction: This is Us and instantly discovered what all the fuss was about. Sure, even I can imitate their choreography by jumping and grabbing my low rise jeans in the crotch where a man’s junk should be while throwing a point-and-wink combo at some hysterically excited fourteen-year-old’s braces, but their harmonies are tight, the songs are so damn catchy and also like 90% chorus which in itself is 80% “na na” or “yeah yeah.” Like any boyband, the members of 1D are essentially Labrador puppies except with more hair gel: they run around annoying people; they require a lot of attention; it’s possible they will pee on the rug…but they are also just too much fun to watch.
Since I can’t decide which one is my favorite, and since I’ve already put a lot of effort into analyzing said choreography and music, I think an internship following the boys around in case there’s an open spot would be a really wise option for the band because honestly, with our luxurious curls— who would notice if I replaced Harry Styles for just one show? Actually, everyone would notice, because the sexual tension between me and my band mates would be so palpable you could cut it with one of those motorized turkey knives.