February is basically the saddest month at Kenyon. Everybody is bogged down by midterms and papers, a nasty cold is going around, and spring break seems like it will never arrive. If you’re anything like me, nothing can cheer you up more than adorable animals and terrible jokes. I’m talking about terrible, corny dad jokes that are mostly likely found on Popsicle sticks. The ones that are so stupid, they’re kind of funny. And you’re in luck, because I’ve combined both of these things to give you some of my favorite animal-themed jokes. Surely these will tickle your fancy enough to make this winter seem a little less unbearable.
1. A man went to visit a friend and saw him playing a game of chess with his cat. After watching the game for a while, the man exclaimed: “That’s amazing! You must have the smartest cat alive!”
“He’s not that smart, “ said his friend. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”
2. Q: Why did the business manager hire the marsupial?
A: Because he had all of the koala-fications
3. A police officer noticed that there were three penguins walking around in the street. He called up his inexperienced deputy and told him to take the penguins to the zoo.
The next day, the police officer noticed his deputy driving a police car with the three penguins sitting in the backseat. They were all wearing big, floppy hats and swimming trunks.
Furious, the police officer yelled, “What are you doing? I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!”
“I did,” the deputy explained. “We had a great time. Today we’re going to the beach!”
4. Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look! A herd of elephants in the distance!”
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses?
A: Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: “Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!”
5. Q: What do you call a dog magician?
A: A labracadabrador
6. A man was sitting in a movie theater next to what he thought was an alpaca. “Excuse me, are you an alpaca?” the man asked.
“Yes I am,” the alpaca replied.
“Why are you at the movies?”
“Well, I liked the book.”
Hopefully, I’ve at least made you chuckle with these adorable jokes and pictures and helped you take your mind off of the gloomy February weather, and these last few days of exams and papers. Spring break is so close, collegiettes!