All The Single Ladies

There’s that idea that’s been etched into so many impressionable young girls’ brains that says they need to be in a relationship to be happy. It says that having a boyfriend is the epitome of normal, that dating someone is what you’re meant to do. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being in a relationship. If that’s for you, then good. But if it’s not, know you’re not alone. I don’t want a relationship. 

 

I can barely take care of myself let alone someone else. I’d rather spend my free time watching Netflix in a pair of disgusting sweatpants than wearing makeup to a restaurant and entertaining the fancies of a boy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to hook up with the same guy several times and not being anywhere near dating. I think that we put too much pressure on relationships. On marriage. On being with someone for the rest of our lives. I’m nineteen and I can’t imagine spending forever with any person that I know right now. 

 

There are those pestering questions. The “do you have a boyfriend yet?” from distant relatives on holidays. The more obnoxious version — “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” — question lingers amid conversation at almost every family event. One of my friend’s aunts is convinced she’s a lesbian because she isn’t in a relationship with a guy.

 

There’s no need to be tied down. No need for your relationship status to define you. I’d rather be alone for my four years at Kenyon than be tied down to a fake relationship that didn’t mean everything to me. This isn’t saying that one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe in ten years, I’m going to find someone who’s right for me. But it hasn’t happened yet, and because of that, I’m not worried about being single for a while.

 

Being alone is okay. And it’s not being alone. It’s being single. Single in movies is depicted as either a slut spree or a sad and rainy day in a Manhattan apartment, a night of tears and donuts and a trashy movie. It doesn’t have to be like that. Living the single life doesn’t mean you’re sad. I guess it does if you’re really looking for a relationship, but maybe that’s not the best place for you.

 

Some people prefer relationships – my best friend for example. So he doesn’t understand when I say that I don’t want one. I explain that I don’t think it’s right for me, right now. The person that I am at this very moment is happier alone than with someone attached to me, someone defined partially by me, and me by them. 

 

Moral of the story: single is good. Single is okay. Single is normal. No one is born with their prospective siginificant other sitting right there, waiting for them. We have awkward tiny dates at age 13, not engagements and arranged marriages.

 

I don’t think you’re supposed to be with someone forever. I don’t know if that’s even realistic. Who doesn’t get annoyed at someone? Who doesn’t want to punch their friend after they’ve been studying in the Squad for almost 8 hours on a Sunday? Who doesn’t relish that moment of quiet aloneness when you get home from a sleepover and you’re content in the cool silence of your own room?

 

Being single, being alone, can be good. It can be preferable. Not everyone was made to be in a relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you that being in a relationship is what is normal. That it’s what’s expected. Because they don’t know you. You do you.