Andrew Tint

Birthday: July 31, 1990

Relationship Status: Happily taken – “It’s like a candy store: you can look but can’t touch.”

Class: 2013

Hometown: Summit, New Jersey

Major: Religious Studies

Nicknames: Tinty, Taint, Poopykins, Tintsicle, Tintilocks, Frat King
 

You’re in the desert and horribly dehydrated. Ahead of you appears a mirage of your dream wedding – what do you see?

I’d imagine I’m getting married in Comerica Park, where the Tigers are playing. They’re all my best men, and then they let me play center field for an inning. 

 

Is your dream girl more of a Choose Your Own Adventure book or a comic book?

I gotta go with Choose Your Own Adventure. I loved those books – there’s a lot more chance for redos, that’s my logic.

 

What’s the best part of your body?

Glutes. 

What are those?

That’s my butt cheeks. They’re a little saggy at times, but I go on the stair stepper. I solely go to the gym for my butt. 

Which academic building would you marry?

I’d marry Peirce. They would feed me all the time. I can’t even think of what more I’d want. There are so many elements, and everyone wants to be there. And have you seen that tower? It’s huge!

 

Would you rather spend the night in the Post Office or Gund Ballroom?

Gund Ballroom because I could dance. So to speak, I could dance the night away.

 

In middle school, how did you navigate the braces make out?

The first girl I hooked up with had braces also. Metal attracted. It was a very painful first kiss.

 

What would you do on a date with the Nuge? 

First, I would take her to a comedy because she loves comedy. Then I would take her to the astronomy tower and look for shooting stars, and when I saw one, I would ask for a kiss and lean in. We would get dinner somewhere in there. And she would be wearing her purple outfit. That costume always makes me think of Alice in Wonderland. 

 

Would you be more freaked out if a girl brought a puppy or a pickaxe to your first date?

One or the other, I wouldn’t mind, but if she brought both… I would just assume she was going to pickaxe the puppy. 

 

Baby talk – yes or no?

I gotta go no only because I would interpret it as them making fun of my speech impediment. “What do you mean you ‘wuv me?’ Why don’t you just say you ‘love me?'” Miscommunication is the murderer of relationships. 

 

What are you thoughts on risque texts?

I’m totally for it if it’s from the right person, but if my roommate texts me and is like, “hey, my bed’s warm for two,” I’d write back, “nay.” 

 

MFK – Hermione, Luna, Ginny. 

I’m not into gingers, so cross Ginny off. We can’t spread that disease. I guess I would have sex with Luna because I don’t want to deal with her crazy everyday. I think I’d marry Hermione because she’s very smart. We could go places…she could go places and take me there. 

 

Top three bump’n’grind songs. 

I’m a little too white and Jewish to know the names of bump’n’grind songs. I would like to bump’n’grind to Tallest Man on Earth or Lit – “My Own Worst Enemy.”

 

What music video would you willingly spend a day in?

“Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down because then I could be Superman for a day.
 

Fav. abbrevs.?

I like “totes” a lot. Totes magotes. “NBD”—I throw it out all the time: “Ah, I’m Greek Council President, NBD.” I use “frat” a lot, and I say “bosh” instead of “b***h.” I’m not sure if that’s an abbreviation though. 

 

A question I think all campus cuties should answer – sexiest statue on campus?

I’m gonna go with the heart statue, ’cause that girl looks mad flexible. I like my yoga boshes. Totes. 

[The heart statue is the one of the girl and boy leaning back and clasping hands…just so you know.]

 

Who’s your favorite administrator to charm?

Toutain. I didn’t even need to think about that. For lack of a better word, he’s the man. 

 

What’s it like to be Andrew Tint?

Sometimes, it’s very confusing. There’s a lot of mental things going on upstairs that don’t add up. It’s like when God created me, he was like, “let’s screw with this kid.” 

 

Never fail pick-up line?

I don’t think I’ve ever used a pick-up line. Honestly, girls pick me up most of the time, if we’re being honest. My go to move is the giggle and smile.

 

Would you rather have Mr. T or Lady Gaga eulogize you?

That’s a really good question. I would rather have Lady Gaga, and I would rather her eulogy be an interpretive dance.

 

What is it like to look this good?

It’s nice because I literally put in no effort. It’s unfair, that’s what it is. I look at people and think it must suck not to be a 5’8”, skinny, curly-haired Jewish kid with no athletic ability to speak of. If we’re being honest, it’s unfair. 

 

Closing thoughts?

I ate a lot during this interview. I hope you didn’t buy that hummus for yourself.