Tired of being regarded as “too nice” to get back at those who did you wrong? I have always lacked the patience for dishonesty and instead relied on direct confrontation. However, I have recently found that the expectation for people to tell the truth about their feelings is one that is sadly too high. Because I know the suppression of gnawing anger to be inefficient and frustrating, sometimes it’s acceptable to allow yourself a private chuckle. Here are the most effective ways for beginners to test out passive-aggression while maintaining their “nice” personalities and remaining guilt-free!
“Where words fail, music speaks” — Hans Christian Anderson
How many times have you stopped talking to your friend because he/she got an annoying song stuck in your head? Probably not many, and that’s just the point! Ruin someone’s week by humming the Education Connection themesong, or the most irritating broadway show tune you can think of and they’ll be sure to suffer NOT in silence. The best part? They won’t even suspect you intentionally did something to bother them and you won’t feel guilty because you can’t control what music they replay in their minds!
“Eye contact is a dangerous, dangerous thing.” — Hedonist Poet
Did someone recently make an offensive comment that made you feel self-conscious? Is an ex or an awkward one-night-stand being nice to you on behalf of ulterior motives? Take averting eye contact to a whole new level with the “eye-to-not-eye contact” method. Continue to be your polite self by responding as you would to the meaningless small talk being thrown your way, but as you are “listening”, direct your gaze to a spot just above or below the eyes of the person who is speaking. Every few words the person says to you, revert back to that one spot on their forehead or cheek until they wonder what’s wrong with their face. Whoever did you wrong will begin to feel uncomfortable but you will have no cause to feel rude, after all, your focus is clearly on the person with whom you are talking.
“Some call it bitching. I call it verbal release therapy. It’s all about perspective.” — Unknown
Sometimes, you get fixated on minor things that you know shouldn’t bother you, and that’s all right! Although those are usually the small things that aren’t worth discussing, chances are you’ll feel a whole lot better if you get them out of your system. If you are commonly regarded as a “nice person”, you probably associate with others who consider themselves to be “nice people”. A common quality of these nice people? — they are always there to listen to their friends vent. Feel free to let it ALL out. Spill your guts about everything from the kid who cut you in the lunch line last week to the aggressive girl who stole your crayon in the first grade. Just be extra careful not to reveal something that actually matters to you to someone you don’t trust.
“Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.” — Unknown
If you’re not comfortable around someone, it tends to show in conversation. Therefore, it is natural for awkward silences to find their way in the discussion. Rather than making an effort to fill them for the sake of the other person’s comfort, save your energy for a conversation you actually care about. Once you stop caring about what that person thinks of you, it will be easy to watch them struggle mercilessly to fill spaces in your chat. Subtly give them short answers that lead to dead ends in the conversation and innocently maintain eye contact as they fumble around for words. Although they will feel like they’re in control of the conversation, you will have all the power over their sense of security.
“Selfish isn’t a dirty word. Fit your oxygen mask first so you’re able to help someone else.” — Unknown
If you feel like certain people are walking all over you, stop being considerate and learn how to be more selfish. Being selfish does not imply that you must be completely inconsiderate, it just means that you should prioritize yourself, especially when it comes to the little things. Stop giving yourself the option to be polite to people you do not like and, instead, eat that last piece of pizza, claim shotgun on the next trip to Mount Vernon, or watch your favorite show on the lounge television. It’s all right to not offer these opportunities to people who, given the chance, would not offer them to you.
While I usually encourage just being straightforward with people, there are times when you have said all that you can to relay how you feel, and others still remain insensitive. These tips are not for everyday use, but may come in handy on days when you feel betrayed or especially isolated and need to get some satisfaction out of those people who made you feel the way you feel. If at first words don’t succeed, try, try, to (subtly) offend!
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