Some of my earliest memories include the days I would spend at my easel in my grandmother’s basement art studio, meticulously copying every one of her brush strokes. Art has been a significant part of my life ever since I can remember, but I haven’t always had the most positive relationship with it. I started taking art seriously in fifth grade, when I enrolled in an advanced program at my school. While art started as a hobby of mine, even at such a young age, I experienced harsh criticism of my artwork, and often found myself discouraged about my ability to produce art. While this criticism was for the purpose of improving my art skills, my hobby of drawing and painting over the years turned into a pressure that led me to doubt whether or not I was cut out for art—even at the young age of ten. Going into high school, I already felt so creatively burnt out, and at some points even stopped creating art all together.
Art consumed a good portion of my high school experience, especially my senior year. I spent the year buried between canvases and drawing boards in my cubicle art studio, constantly stressing over my college portfolio. My art became something for others to critique and to discuss, instead of being for myself. I found myself producing work that doesn’t resonate with my style or thought process solely to please my teacher and other observers. I ended up with a portfolio that I wasn’t proud of because I picked a theme that I thought would appeal to others. The spring of my senior year, I completely rerouted the second part of my portfolio, and finally began producing art I was interested in. My teacher doubted my concepts at first, but this is when I truly learned to make art for myself.
I continue to struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with art because I still don’t fully understand how to balance a hobby with graded work. How can I maintain my passion for art when I’m constantly stressed over whether or not a teacher will like it, especially when I’m really proud of it? Over the years I’ve picked up some healthy methods to gain a more positive relationship with art. Instead of sitting down and forcing myself to come up with a drawing subject on the spot, I scroll through my camera roll until I find an interesting subject. I used to put so much pressure on myself to come up with unbelievably creative concepts for my art that I ended up never producing any art. I got more down on myself about subject matter than my actual technical art skills. I’ve also come to realize that the way I express my creativity does not always need to be through my typical forms of drawing and painting. Creative burnout appears so easily when you restrict yourself to what you create, especially in terms of medium. I express my creativity everyday, even when I’m not working on a canvas. Last summer, I created a second private instagram account, where I just post everyday snapshots of my life (known by many as a photo dump account). With such a small following, at the end of the day, I’m really posting for myself. It encourages me to find inspiration in everyday objects and scenery with minimal pressure. Practices like these help remind myself that the most important audience member of my work is myself.