I would say I am a pretty independent person. I don’t mind sitting alone at meal times, I like going to concerts by myself and I have never really understood why girls can’t pee by themselves. I just consider myself someone that is really content with being alone. I have to credit genetics or something (my Dad is very much a ‘lone wolf’ type of guy), and the fact that I went to boarding school. I have been doing the whole growing up thing without my parents’ constant surveillance for quite some time now. So when I got to college, a place that is a social hub 24/7, I struggled a bit. I knew how to do my own laundry, how to vacuum and got the whole ‘only eating pizza for four months’ thing out of my system. However, college poses significantly less restrictions than a boarding school. First-years in college, for the most part, love the concept of the ‘eternal sleepover’ idea. You get to be with your friends at any and all time of day. There are no adults that tell you what to do or when to do it, so the expectation of any typical first-year is to be social. All, if not most, of the time. Meal times, study sessions, class time, club meetings, hanging out, etc. College means constant socializing…which can be really exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, it is important to go and be with people. However, everyone needs some alone time. Where do you find the balance?
Often times, people find themselves constantly reaching out and immersing themselves in the social bubble due to a thing called FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), this idea that if you skip out on being with friends you will miss all of the inside jokes, funny memories and memorable times with friends. I have never really understood the concept of FOMO. This typically presents itself in the form of a blessing and a curse. For one, I can go through Instagram and see photos or videos of people together and feel no jealousy or regret of missing out. I have never been afraid to turn down going out. However, this can become a bad thing when I feel no pressure to be social and step outside of my comfort zone. If I don’t want to go out and be with friends, then I will have no problem with staying in my room and vegging out. While everyone needs some ‘me’ time, I sometimes find I lock myself into isolation. So what’s the happy medium? What is the balance between being independent and anti-social?
For me, it has been the little things. Initially, I would feel so guilty if I hit the hay early instead of spending all night hanging out in a friend’s room. Never feel guilty! It is perfectly normal to want to unwind and not want to socialize for a few minutes or even hours. Having a night in does not make you anti-social. Some people love being in the company of others, others need some time to take a break. Neither is right or wrong or social versus anti. I have found that it is important to find solitude in little things. During the week, it can be easier to have some “me-time” than on the weekends. Whether it’s going to the gym, grabbing a coffee and doing some work on your computer or laying in bed for a few minutes before class, there are so many ways to have some time to yourself. However, even those that are most content in solitude should step outside their comfort zone and surround themselves with people who you enjoy.