Kenyon is a weird place—there’s no doubt about it. However, college, in general, is weird because this sudden change prompts us to reexamine the way that we act. Maybe you move states, join a club or Greek organization that you swore you’d never look at, or you switch academic interests.
Most importantly, in college, you’re on your own. Before you protest and say, hey Ari, I have tons of friends, I want to specify what I mean. When I say you’re alone, I mean that for the most part, there’s no one telling you what to do day today. Trust me, I call my mom more than the average college student. I called her when I put too much soap in the laundry machine and caused an accidental bubble bath in the laundry room. I called her when I didn’t know what classes to register for and I needed a sounding board. I called her when my face was breaking out because I was eating too much sugar when I wasn’t going to the gym on a regular basis, when I was overwhelmed with work and didn’t know what to do. However, in college, I still feel alone.
College, for me, has been my wakeup call to examine what I’m dependent on my parents on in terms of help. College has been not having the right answers and knowing that I have to learn to depend on my instincts to direct me in the right direction. College has been learning how to be proactive, how to talk to my professors when I’m struggling academically, how to take care of myself when I’m struggling mentally, how to take care of myself when I’ve had a bad day.
Personally, I find independence to be a frightening thing. I, fortunately, come from a family and home life that is incredibly open to supporting each other—throughout my life, I’ve been used to having a slew of family and close friends that can drop anything to be there for me. In entering the world of college, I’ve had to adjust accordingly because college students sometimes mistake apathy for independence.
The current generation of college students has been dubbed the “Apathy Generation.” Older people claim that current college students are less engaged politically, less intrinsically motivated to do well in school, etc. Honestly, it makes sense to me. The process of getting into college is incredibly stressful. The stress of good grades caused classes to simply turn into a game of how to cram in the information so it can be spewed out correctly, rather than taking the time to actually enjoy or think deeply about what’s being taught. The stress of being well-rounded could cause extracurricular activities to be less about finding passions and more about appearing to be a well-rounded college student candidate.
This may sound hyperbolic, but there’s a point to it. Studies show that as students go through elementary school, high school, and eventually college, intrinsic motivation lowers and extrinsic motivation gets higher. In other words, the joy of learning for the sake of learning is diminished as the joy of learning for the sake of getting good grades, appealing to professors, getting internships, and landing a good job, increases. So, when students get to college, they’re drained, The freedom is enticing and the weight of responsibility seems to be lifted through the opportunity of independence.
College elicits an interesting form of independence, especially at small liberal arts schools. When students go to an academically rigorous school that is also small, there can be a lot of room for stress. However, high school students get to leave the physical school at the end of the day, whereas college students do not. In other words, perhaps, ironically enough, the stress of being in college surpasses the stress of getting into college. Alright, you put all this work into being here, it’s your time to find your passions and prepare for the real world, are you ready?
No? Me neither. As aforementioned, when I’m stressed I’m inclined to call my mom. I appreciate the dependence of a sounding board that has stock in my future. Naturally, as one makes friends in college, you may look to reach out to those friends when you become stressed. Mom may be hours away, and friends may have had your professor or a similar situation; consequently, you may want to share your problems with your friend.
And, this is where the apathy comes from. Now, this article is not to bash any of my friends, many of whom take the time to listen to me and help me. Alternatively, this is an article commenting on the way in which college students are perhaps conditioned to deal with stress through avoidance. I wanted to write this article because the more time I spend in college, the more apathy I see. The older I get, the more responsibilities my friends and I take on, the more often other people’s problems are seen as burdens.
I think that we forget that college is still just a component of our lives. Especially in a small liberal arts school, it’s easy to overindulge in small issues, like friend drama, or a rough morning, or a difficult essay. Any clinical psychology book or professor will tell you that without proper support systems in place, small episodes of stress can be blown up into bigger issues. However, because we’re branded as “college students” and are being prepared to enter the real world, we’re conditioned to just “deal with it.” So we mistake independence for apathy; in other words, instead of looking to our friends for support or other healthy coping mechanisms, we isolate.
Again, I am not claiming that this is always the case, nor am I calling you an awful person. However, the research doesn’t lie. This generation is being dubbed one less concerned with caring about each other, community, classes, and politics. Now, I’ve scoured the web for different reasons why my peers and I are being branded as “Apathy Generation.” However, I think that I’ve formulated my own opinion.
Personally, I think that the way in which students are being funneled into the education system causes individualism to be valued over empathy. People my age are scared to ask for help for fear that they’ll be seen as a burden, or less productive, or “broken” in some way. I’m aware of friends who don’t know how to manage their stress for classes and spend all hours in the library due to overwhelming academic deadlines.
Solitude isn’t a bad thing; everyone needs time alone, especially college students. However, I do think that there is a difference between gaining independence and choosing indifference. Personally, having gone through counseling and now counseling others, I know the strength of a community. This is not to say you have to dump on your friends every little issue that’s going on.
But, maybe when you’re having a bad day, you reach out and ask for someone to listen. Maybe, if you see someone you know who looks glum, you reach out and ask if they’re doing well. Instead of hearing about an issue and thinking “that’s not my responsibility,” we learn to think about how we could help out. Change doesn’t happen with apathy.
I don’t want to underestimate that this is a difficult thing to do. It can feel incredibly uncomfortable to reach out to someone and ask what’s wrong, especially if it’s not something that you do often. However, apathy and animosity arise when issues aren’t properly dealt with. If you see someone struggling, find a way that feels comfortable to you to reach out and see what you can do to help. More times than not, your efforts will be rewarded. I cannot tell you a number of times I’ve had a rough day, and being asked “what’s wrong” or “do you need to talk” really helped. You don’t need to completely fix a problem in order to be a good support system.
Again, I know that this is easier to type than it is to put into practice. I understand the value of independence, as sometimes alone time is the best thing for someone. However, there is power in practicing empathy. There is value in reaching out to someone when you’re feeling low, and there is value in taking your time to contribute to something bigger. Collegiate success is not solely measured by high GPAs and test scores, but also by the impact that you’ve had on the school, and others.
I know that my mom is going to read this article and tell me to go to the library. So, do your work, meet with your professors, and do what you need to do to feel like you are academically thriving. However, don’t stop there. Take the time to look around and see where you could contribute. Seek independence through others, as backward as that sounds. Seek independence, and personal growth through community service, through reaching out to others, through taking the first steps to contributing to something bigger than yourself. That is the kind of independence that I want from college, rather than apathy.
Image Credit: Feature,1,2,3,4,5,6,7