I don’t believe in virginity. I never liked the way I learned about sex, that something was being taken away from me. I always thought of love as giving, as sharing.
And not that all sex has to involve love. However, I always saw sex, or flirting, or doing anything “promiscuous” as sharing yourself with another person. My parents taught me about how to be safe, how to empower myself to make good choices, and how to define my own self-worth.
To me, virginity seems to be a way to degrade a woman to her self-worth. It is to call a girl wholesome and innocent and pure, and then objectify her into something broken after she has had sex. While a boy becomes a man when he has sex, a girl loses something.I want to state that I don’t necessarily condone completely casual sex. In fact, I’ve heard countless girls talk about wanting to lose their virginity, as if sex is something that they have to get over with the sake of having done it. I believe that instead of obsessing over love and placing all of these expectations and implications onto one thing, we should be teaching girls to learn to love their bodies and move at paces that are comfortable and always safe.Ultimately, I think my issues with the notions of virginity come from my experience with sex education. I was privileged to have parents who felt comfortable talking to me about puberty and sexuality; moreover, they provided a safe environment that allowed me to explore various parts of my identity. Consequently, I grew up with a normalized view of sex. I understand the consequences and risks of having sex, and I have been given the tools to explore sexuality without feeling guilty.
I have friends who have grown up in households that don’t condone sex. Some went to schools that never informed them about STDs, HIV, pregnancy, or sexual assault. I see girls growing up with society telling them that they aren’t in control of their own bodies, their own urges, their own choices. However, society marks this event of having sex for the first time as this monumental occurrence; boys become men, girls change forever.Again, I am all about safe sex and waiting to make the right decision. I don’t care if you wait to have sex. I don’t care if you never had sex in high school, or in college or until you’re married. I care about my friends and all girls making the right decisions to have sex with the right people. I care about girls and boys being educated on being safe, on how to communicate about what each person needs, on the implications and consequences of sexual activity. I care about girls and boys both having options, resources, and support. I care about girls and boys knowing that their sexuality does not define them; in other words, let’s get rid of the word virgin.Let’s get rid of the notion that someone loses “something pure” when they have sex. Let’s teach people that sex is not a prize, or that sex is not something you owe to anything, and that sex isn’t something that you have to “get over with.”
Let’s teach future generations to respect themselves and each other. As a camp counselor, I have worked to empower my campers with knowledge about puberty and sexuality and whatever else they worry about, so that they feel informed and strong enough to make their own decisions. Ultimately, communication is key.