On a recent phone call with my 25-year-old sister Nikki, she revealed the details of her latest first date experience (stories that never fail to entertain). Nikki had shown up five minutes late, and her date had already ordered food and a drink. Not only did it demonstrate impatience, but clearly he was only thinking of himself. Nikki was appalled and quickly left after that. However, never being afraid to laugh at herself or share all things first date, Nikki has a way of turning these experiences into lessons. So I figured I would recap all of these pieces of advice that she has, while using it as an excuse to talk to my wonderful sister. Here’s what she’s learned from going on many (and many!) first dates:
1. Rely On Yourself
“The first and arguably most important lesson I’ve learned: always rely on yourself to get to the date. This allows you to leave when you feel comfortable and avoid the initial awkward car ride (and not to mention having a stranger see where you live).”
2. It’s Okay to Leave
“If I’m not enjoying myself, it’s not a problem. Tell him how you feel or if you’re worried about making things uncomfortable, go into the date with an excuse ready to use if you want to leave. For example ‘I have a busy day tomorrow and have to get up early,’ ‘The parking meter has a one hour time limit and I do not have more change,’ or ‘I have to get home to feed my dog’ have all worked for me.”
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Suggest What You Want To Do
“Go somewhere you want to go, for example a restaurant or a bar that you have been wanting to try or a movie you have been wanting to see. I have gotten drinks (including coffee), seen movies, eaten dinners, gone to a spin class (where the instructor yelled at us for talking) and attended a basketball game as a first date. NO matter the activity, chances are you will enjoy yourself more if you are doing something you WANT to be doing.”
4. Embrace the Awkwardness
“It is OK if you initially approach the wrong person (this has happened to me twice) so do not hesitate to be the first to say hello. You can only go up from there anyways, right?”
5. Alcohol Doesn’t Always Help
“If you do choose to get alcoholic drinks, do not get too drunk (please, do not get too drunk). I have learned the hard way that after two drinks (I am a light weight) I tend to say things that should not be mentioned and do things that should not be done on a first date. And besides, learning more about who your date really is so much easier when you’re sober.”
6. And Neither Does Talking Yourself Out of Dates
“Go into it with the hope of enjoying yourself! If you put too much pressure on the experience you are setting yourself up to be disappointed. Even if the first date is a total disaster at least you get a funny story to tell your friends.”
7. Have an Open Mind
“With the plethora of dating apps, it is easy to get in the mindset that there are so many options out there. I’ve even been guilty of getting on a dating app while on a current date. Once, I went on two dates in one night (I do not recommend this, and I accidently mixed up their names). But, not only are you investing your own time by going on a first date but the person you are meeting is also investing their time so the least you can do is be present for the two hours you are with them.”
8. Stay Positive
“Finally, I have learned to do my best to always stay positive. Does repeatedly going on first dates make you cynical because dates hardly ever live up to heightened expectations? Yes, of course. But, I believe that going on a number of first dates is a crucial step in the process of finding the right match for you. Not only do you learn about yourself and gain some funny stories in the process but you also learn what you like (and a lot of the time what you definitely do not like) in a partner.
Coming from the admiration of the younger sister, it is safe to say that Nikki does more than well on her own, as she tackles both academic and career worlds. She would even admit she “wouldn’t know what do with a serious boyfriend,” but she does know a hell of a lot about dating! From getting to meet all kinds of people to sharing awkward stories like on one date, “he was already drunk when I showed up,” and “he tried to make us dinner but I don’t eat meat so I had to quickly tell him I already ate while he ate in front of me and I was starving,” Nikki’s definitely earned her title of respected serial dater.
Image Credit: Nikki Cohen, Carly Cohen