As the end of the school year nears, I have grown to realize that I have not lived my life at Kenyon to the fullest. Being a passive extrovert enabled me to make some great friends and expand my social circles; however, I tend to be passive when it comes to my general surroundings. People always comment on my RBF (resting bitch face) and unapproachable persona, and now that there are only three weeks left in the year, I want that to change. I want people to see my fun and outgoing self on a surface level. Usually, people have to get to know me in order for my goofy side to shine, but I want to be remembered as the free-spirited funny girl, and I want to change that before we leave for summer break.So, in an effort to change my outside persona, I have promised myself to be more bubbly on the outside. Smiling while walking to class or saying “hi” to people as a walk through Old Side to get food are some of the things I do to provide a welcoming presence. Another aspect I have changed is my stress levels in public settings. Before, I was always cautious of every action because I was afraid of what people would think about me. However, I learned that I personally do not care what people think about me; what matters most is that I’m having fun. One day I was wearing ripped jeans and a friend was handing out condoms for a good cause. To help support and advertise for her, I stuck two condom packets between the holes in my jeans and paraded through the servery and Old Side with them.I guess you could say that I’ve been in a bit of an “Eh, what the hell” mood. As long as I am happy doing what I am doing, even if my friends are embarrassed they know me, that is all that matters. I have learned to put my happiness first, instead of living up to people’s expectations of me to be extremely put together and intimidating. I do not want to be the person who scares people away from getting to know her. Given this wacky funk I’ve been in, my confidence has skyrocketed. I was always one to hold back because I lacked the confidence to do even the simplest of things, but now, I almost feel invincible. I even got the courage to talk to some guys, which is something that never happens unless I’m friends with them. Overall, my social life exploded once I learned to let go of all of the negativity and external pressures in my life. I want to leave a good impression on this campus, and, going into next year, I want people to see me as warm and welcoming instead of cold and intimidating.Living on the edge and not caring about reactions from others has allowed me to truly be myself in college. This has also taught me that confidence is key when meeting new people. When you meet new people, you have to be forward and bubbly if you want them to like you at first. This positive and upbeat attitude also uplifted my mood and made me a generally happier person. While I am still salty and sarcastic, I have officially found a perfect balance to show people that I can be fun and giggly too.
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