I have an addiction. An addiction to Shrek. What started as a childhood favorite has escalated over time into a full-blown infatuation with the movie franchise and its beloved, snot-colored protagonist. Shrek—and Shrek 2, and Shrek the Third—is without a doubt the greatest movie series of all time. Shrek is the modern cinematic equivalent to canonical classics like Frankenstein or Catcher in the Rye.Â
 If you’ve been living under a rock for the past two decades, here is a brief synopsis: Shrek (2001) follows the titular character in his poorly-animated swamp who begrudgingly befriends a talking donkey, and they go on a quest to rescue princess Fiona, who—spoiler alert—is also an ogre! Fast forward to the end of the movie, Shrek and Fiona get married and live happily ever after. The story does not end there, however, and in Shrek 2 (2004) the newlyweds and their noble steed Donkey are put through the ultimate marriage test when they go to meet Fiona’s parents, the king and queen of Far, Far, Away. I won’t spoil too much because Shrek 2 is the best movie of the franchise, but let’s just say that the Fairy Godmother’s rendition of “Holding out for a Hero” is perhaps the closest I will ever get to God. Shrek the Third, commonly mispronounced as Shrek 3, is an adequate finale for the chaos of the previous two films, and ends with little baby ogres. Much to my own dismay, there is a fourth movie, which functions as a prequel-ish to the original, but it is so abhorrent that I choose to believe it does not exist. I am eternally hopeful that the franchise will make a comeback in the near future with a fifth installment, but until then I am content to re-watch into oblivion.Â
Shrek is replete with all of the whimsical elements that make early-2000’s children’s movies the cultural touchstones they are. The movie features all of the fairy tale creatures you know and love, such as the three blind mice, Pinocchio, and the gingerbread man. None are so captivating as Shrek, however. Shrek, a perpetually grumpy agoraphobe with poor hygiene and an aggressive Scottish accent, is the main character many hope to create and few achieve. He is a character that you want to root for, stubborn yet loveable, funny to the point of tears, and sort of hot in human form (you’ll have to watch Shrek 2 for that gem). Shrek is rivaled only by Donkey and Fiona, who show him his capacity for love.Â
The other defining element of the Shrek franchise is their absolute banger soundtracks. I mean, who would be able to get both David Bowie and Paul Mccartney on an extremely niche animated movie soundtrack? Shrek, that’s who. Nobody is out here doing it quite like the people who put together the Shrek soundtracks, and for that I am forever grateful.Â
The best part about Shrek is that it never gets old. Every time I watch it, which is more frequently than I would like to admit, I find yet another thing to love about it. In a recent re-watch, I was pleasantly surprised at all the phallic humor Shrek and Donkey spout. I was also shocked at my ability to theorize and critically analyze the film that was originally intended for literal infants and also apparently me. I’ll save the conspiracies for another time, but they did have me researching scholarly articles for Shrek, of which there is not an insignificant amount.Â
Here I am, waxing poetic about a cartoon ogre who has taken up luxury real-estate in my mind. I think the world would be a better place, if only a little bit, if everyone watched Shrek.
