Dear Perfectionists,
You might think that I’m not one of you. This makes perfect sense: for the longest time, I didn’t think I was one of those people who obsesses over a 4.0 GPA. I could get a B+ or whatever and be fine. It wasn’t the end of the world; my own happiness and mental health was something I found to be more important, societal expectations be damned.
Over time, I realized a few things. One, perfectionists have become very stereotyped through the media. Two, being in a new environment brings many changes, and not just in setting. And three, there are things that can help, believe it or not.
As an incoming freshman, memories of college tours are still quite recent in my mind, and I can recount many top-tier universities stressing the importance of academic rigor and high SAT/ACT scores. Add that to a general expectation from parents and teachers that I would get good grades, and it would be fine – I’m looking at strong schools, so naturally, they’re going to want to accept students who can handle the work. There’s nothing wrong with that: if you want to get somewhere, you have to put in the work and do well. The problem is when you, to use the common cliche, create your own demons and this keeps you up until 2 a.m. stressing out about getting that psych test back, even though you studied for over four hours for it.
That, I know, sounds stereotypical as hell. I’m sure we’ve all come across the person who is openly fearful about their grades and maintaining a perfect GPA and isn’t afraid to share those fears with anyone who’ll listen. This kind of behavior will automatically get you labeled a perfectionist, but you and I both know that just because it’s not open and overdramatic doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s probably not a surprise that those who tend to fall more on the introverted side are more prone to perfectionism because we are constantly overthinking everything.
In a new environment, all of this only escalates. When I first arrived at Kenyon, I was incredibly concerned with how I was going to handle my workload, not just with classes, but with clubs and making time to exercise as well. The first grade I received wasn’t something I was used to getting, and I’ll admit I didn’t take it with a lot of dignity. This is where my advice to you comes in because I’m willing to bet that you’ve all heard or thought of the above few paragraphs several times before.
In stressful times, I tend to detach and evaluate the situation from an outside perspective. So maybe I didn’t get the A I wanted. Let’s look at the circumstances. Date: oh, this paper was written in the first two weeks of my college career. I’m just getting warmed up; I don’t expect to be perfect during my first two weeks at a top-tier liberal arts college. Don’t look at it as a failure, look at it as a method for improvement. This is something my teachers have been telling me for years, and I’ve always dismissed it as BS. Only now do I realize how true it is, and I had to get out of high school to figure it out. That’s okay, these things take time.
That’s the thing about stuff like this: it’s a work in progress. I’m learning along with everyone else how to care without being a nervous wreck, and it is possible. Dealing with perfectionism is like planning a science experiment: sometimes, you test a variable and it doesn’t work. So you try again, and again and again, until you find what works… it may not be perfect, but if it works, I’d consider that a success.